tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30426912225051921232024-02-19T10:17:48.778-06:00A Walk in the HeartSomething miraculous has happened to me. (SEE FIRST 4 POSTS BEGINNING WITH "THE DAY IT ALL BEGAN"). Something that I can hardly contain but words can hardly explain. I've met someone. Or I should say, been reunited with someone. Someone who is showing me the greatest Love I have ever, ever known. His name is Jesus. This blog is a chronicle of my daily walk with Him. I invite you to walk along with me as I attempt to put into words the depths at which this Love has changed me.Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-7999820597753110132013-04-29T12:19:00.000-05:002013-04-29T12:37:04.008-05:00Cue the Music!<span style="font-size: small;">Well, it has been some time since I have posted here! I have found that as my walk with the Lord gets deeper, it becomes harder to articulate it in words. But also, life can take over and when you fall out of the habit of something, you tend to replace it with something else. In addition, there are those "desert days" where it seems H<span style="font-family: inherit;">e is nowhere to be found and it sure is hard to think of something to write about that! But I have discovered that it is on those days that He is closer than ever so I will do a post on this very soon! As always, I have found that the bible paints such beautiful </span>pictures of the things that we experience in this life. And in doing so, brings great comfort.<br /><br />For today's post, I want to talk about music. I have been playing music since I was about 10 years old. I play flute, piano, saxaphone, and a few other instruments but only enough to be dangerous! :) My favorite is the flute. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"> Currently I am a part of our Worship Team at church. What a joy it has been to be able to express praise to the Lord with my flute! I can't sing worth a lick so I am so grateful that God has given me the ability to sing through that little silver tube instead. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">This week it is my turn to do the devotional for our rehearsal get together. We have been working to become more purposeful about our ministry as worship leaders by gathering together weekly to share about not only ourselves but also to pray together as a group and share devotional time together. So while I was percolating on what to do for the devotional, I found a specific phrase going through my head over and over:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">"Sing a new Song."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What does that mean? To sing a new song. One definition of the word <i>new</i> is "made or become fresh." A new song can be a fresh song of praise declaring the great deeds He has done. Another definition of <i>new</i> is "original." A new song could be an original song of praise to the Lord. Definitions for the word <i>fresh </i>which is a synonym of <i>new</i>: "pure; free from taint, not stale, renewed in vigor.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">So as I thought about how we could renew our vigor as a team, especially with music that we often play more than once over the course of time, it occurred to me that maybe the shift we needed wasn't about HOW we played the music but WHY we played it. A fresh perspective.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Suddenly I remembered an audio I had heard a long time ago that so touched me at the time<span style="font-size: small;"> (prior to having God in my life)</span> but now, upon remembering it, hit me even harder with it's implications. It is an audio of crickets. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Yes. Crickets. Did you know they sing too? No, I mean REALLY sing. Check this out:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">There are two tracks playing at the same time: One is how we he<span style="font-size: small;">ar crickets</span> with the human ear and the other is the same crickets with speed slowed down to equal the human life span. <br />Like I said, at the time I first heard it, it blew me away but now it does so in a whole new way (aha! New <span style="font-size: small;">P</span>erspective!). The bible is full of references of how all of creation sings its praises to God. My favorite is Psalm 98 1:8</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Ps-98-1"><sup class="versenum">1 </sup>Sing to the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> a new song,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-1">for he has done marvelous things;</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-98-1">his right hand and his holy arm</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-1">have worked salvation for him.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-98-2" id="en-NIV-15493"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has made his salvation known</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-2">and revealed his righteousness to the nations.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-98-3" id="en-NIV-15494"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>He has remembered his love</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-3">and his faithfulness to Israel;</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-98-3">all the ends of the earth have seen</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-3">the salvation of our God.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Ps-98-4" id="en-NIV-15495"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>Shout for joy to the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, all the earth,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-4">burst into jubilant song with music;</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-98-5" id="en-NIV-15496"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>make music to the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> with the harp,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-5">with the harp and the sound of singing,</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-98-6" id="en-NIV-15497"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>with trumpets and the blast of the ram’s horn—</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-6">shout for joy before the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, the King.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text Ps-98-7" id="en-NIV-15498"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>Let the sea resound, and everything in it,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-7">the world, and all who live in it.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-98-8" id="en-NIV-15499"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>Let the rivers clap their hands,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-98-8">let the mountains sing together for joy;</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8">WOW! Talk about a concert!!! Can you imagine<span style="font-size: small;">? </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Shouts</span> of <span style="font-size: small;">joy, </span> horns blasting, strings strumming, voices burs<span style="font-size: small;">t<span style="font-size: small;">ing in </span></span>jubilantly singing<span style="font-size: small;">!</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Shouts of Joy</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB2jw85Hw4vY9AjC5quzOo8DGRIkKRIkx1IwZodByO1Tgo-PKCKoZFrfGmAKtj0sk78CsZCtRePEEBVp1UMFIEzMD32WdN0oleRLscGoyav093VBvarA91pX9TzUlIYImXwbeBh_FcvfPG/s1600/voicessinging.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="121" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB2jw85Hw4vY9AjC5quzOo8DGRIkKRIkx1IwZodByO1Tgo-PKCKoZFrfGmAKtj0sk78CsZCtRePEEBVp1UMFIEzMD32WdN0oleRLscGoyav093VBvarA91pX9TzUlIYImXwbeBh_FcvfPG/s200/voicessinging.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jubilant Singing</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">But what I hadn't noticed before was even the sea and everything in it and everything in the world sings too! And upon further study, I found many more verses that speaks of creation itself praising and singing to the Lord...all of the time!!! It is an unceasing, joyous universe-wide chorus to God!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9LrACqlPd5zmkBWMd3u9sRUCfWX3CX9tVwqLU5BpAZq1-osEZLPvoUabdrE-HnoN7ThFdX3utm7-gluxzkowCOI6nhMW53IcnLCYjJmeDMh_JRK9EbhwQVILO-ptJeAMajRg686VtVMTh/s1600/praise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9LrACqlPd5zmkBWMd3u9sRUCfWX3CX9tVwqLU5BpAZq1-osEZLPvoUabdrE-HnoN7ThFdX3utm7-gluxzkowCOI6nhMW53IcnLCYjJmeDMh_JRK9EbhwQVILO-ptJeAMajRg686VtVMTh/s200/praise.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8">Ok, so I'm a youtube junkie. You can find ANYTHING on there. So I went to check to see if there were more "creation singing" videos. And there are! There are lots of them that have recorded the sounds of pulsars, planets and other things in space (taking radio waves and converting them to sound) as well as other animals singing. Too many to post here. <br /><br />But then I landed on one where a guy took several of these sounds, put them all together and played them at one time. Pulsars, stars and whales all singing together. Now granted, this has been put together using an IPAD to match the rhythms etc but the point he is making is evident at the end. I just love how he puts it all together into one glorious song. Check it out:</span></span></span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/7zWKm-LZWm4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8">In the past, I would have had no frame of reference for why all of this singing was going on. I would have said "it just is." The universe is just displaying its harmony. That feels so empty. So purposeless. Like sitting on stage in a concert hall with every seat in the theater vacant.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj7zs4RA9mU1E4Wj3eQqrXYT6_jFjWOnv8wVa6eitNAWKiEyW_r5gxsbgsIeymELqsFz6LX_ezYfohtooagrq4v8NjzAV1VrTScrT554viOClYvNRk3-JcBTEBiEA5GjetFbpl-kXZAlps/s1600/emptytheater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj7zs4RA9mU1E4Wj3eQqrXYT6_jFjWOnv8wVa6eitNAWKiEyW_r5gxsbgsIeymELqsFz6LX_ezYfohtooagrq4v8NjzAV1VrTScrT554viOClYvNRk3-JcBTEBiEA5GjetFbpl-kXZAlps/s320/emptytheater.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8">But <span style="font-size: small;">I now know that there <span style="font-size: small;">IS an audience (God) AND a purpose (His Glory). </span></span> I can rejoice and say, ALL OF CREATION IS SINGING TO ITS CREATOR and know that I am joining in that continuous ongoing song of praise every single time I pick up that flute. So now, when I am getting ready to play on Sundays I will think of this, and remember that all of creation is ALREADY in joyous worship to the Lord and I am about to join in. I would say that is a most awesome fresh, new perspective. <br /><br />Dear Lord,</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8">Thank you so much for giving us such a joyous way to worship you. Thank you for all of the myriad of different ways we can express our love and praise through music. Please help me and our worship team to sing a new song every Sunday. To sing with freshness, newness and pure joy. In the words of one of my very favorite songs of worship to you (which I now see in a new way):</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"><br /></span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8">I love you, Lord<br />
And I lift my voice (flute)<br />
To worship You<br />
Oh, my soul, rejoice!<br />
<br />
Take joy my King<br />
In what You hear<br />
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound<br />
In Your ear.<br /><br />In your Son's sweet, precious name,</span></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-98-8"><span style="font-size: small;">Amen.</span></span></span><br />
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<br />Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-71077470767790822622012-04-08T07:45:00.006-05:002012-04-08T07:55:11.825-05:00HE IS RISEN and He is my King!!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI_jL69J3vwnb5leKiAcK83U-Uj2aTmlWPWLPa1d5kvmRLlmabUKj-KPdpPf0KhSbhS6U4FsrNR6WPWvN2prtLucHjJgQb54MK21l8Sn9EKu5ojo49DgSm3CFOjyoyJ8gXyEaS80IFV4b-/s1600/DSCN0246.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI_jL69J3vwnb5leKiAcK83U-Uj2aTmlWPWLPa1d5kvmRLlmabUKj-KPdpPf0KhSbhS6U4FsrNR6WPWvN2prtLucHjJgQb54MK21l8Sn9EKu5ojo49DgSm3CFOjyoyJ8gXyEaS80IFV4b-/s320/DSCN0246.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Amazing what you can create from a "few things lying around your garage" that you thought had no use! Such a wonderful reminder of what He did for us on the cross and that the TOMB IS EMPTY!!! Death could not hold Him and the grave could not keep Him. Hallelujah!!!!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here's a video that attempts to describe the one and only HIM that is simply indescribable! But he does a pretty good job so enjoy!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Blessings to all who visit this post and may the Lord shine His love into your heart today.</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-72673005998819012912011-12-22T17:59:00.004-06:002011-12-22T18:13:27.306-06:00A taste of evil<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My post today will be a somber one. Because my heart is grieving. Not because of anything going on in my own life but because of something I saw today that I still cannot wrap my brain around.......and I sincerely hope I never do.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I have spoke often here of the Joy of Truth. And I will continue to speak of this Truth till the day I go Home. But today, I experienced the Pain of Truth. The Truth that this really is a fallen world and it is increasingly becoming more and more broken, twisted and insane. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">As a family, we have decided to discontinue mainstream TV and satellite services. Instead, we have chosen to hook up a computer to our flat screen TV in order to choose more freely the things we want to watch/listen to. As Jerry was setting up some desktop icons for our most frequented "stations" on the internet, he ran across an international one (can't remember the name of it now). They were airing a portion of a Dutch TV talk show. I read the headline that was scrolling down below, but I could not process what it said. Because what it said and what I was seeing were completely incongruous. They were showing 3 normal, everyday looking men, in suits, on a normal looking stage, with a small kitchen setup (think Rachel Ray) in the center. There was a table set out in front of this countertop/stove setup and it had a white linen tablecloth on it complete with place settings and a beautifully lit candelabra in the center. The talk show host was behind the kitchen counter thing talking to 2 other men who were preparing things with the stove and a frying pan.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then the camera panned over to the left, and there were 3 more men and a long table draped in white sheets. One man was lying upon it, on his stomach, his head covered in a hairnet and body mostly covered with a white sheet. He was talking to the two other men were standing on either side of him in doctors garb complete with face masks and latex gloves. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I read the headline again and my skin started to crawl and my stomach churned acid. I quickly pushed it away and went back to the video, desperately seeking some sort of normal explanation. They zoomed in on the frying pan and you could see that the small amount of cooking oil that was in it was beginning to sizzle. They panned back to the man on the table and zoomed in on where the surgeons were focusing. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">At this same moment, I heard the talk show host say something about "I was just curious....."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Once more, I read the headline scrolling below. It said:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"TV show host curious about the taste of human flesh"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And then the full Truth of what was happening hit me and I burst into sobbing tears of shock and grief. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The man on the table was donating a piece of his flesh (an audience member?), from his buttocks, to be fried in the now sizzling pan because the talk show host was curious about how it tasted. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">His reason? (do not expect a true "reasoned" answer.....)</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Because he had heard a story of some plane crash survivors that lived because they had eaten the flesh of the other passengers who had died. And he wanted to know what it tasted like.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And all of this was being shown on live TV. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I watched as the doctor sliced a piece of the man's flesh, picked it up with a tweezers and carried it over and, with camera zoomed in, dropped it into the sizzling pan. Then the camera zoomed out and showed the serenely smiling face of the host as he watched it cook.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">These were not raving lunatics, drooling with insane eyes and babbling incoherently.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">No. These were coherent, professionally dressed men, casually discussing the process they were going through to prepare this flesh for the host to satisfy his curiosity. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">On live TV.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">All of this occurred in about a minute's time (before Jerry blessedly turned it off) but I think it will haunt me for the rest of my life. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I cannot even fathom the level of desensitization one must be at to even be present as an audience member or to watch something like that on TV and not be affected. Nor the particular state of insanity one must be in, in order to plan, air and be a part of such a show.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And I sincerely hope I never do.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Dear Heavenly Father,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My heart grieves today. And I need your comforting Presence around me. It's one thing to know of the fallen nature of this world, but quite another to experience it so starkly. Please do not ever let me become desensitized to such things as I fear much of the world is now becoming. It's inconceivable to me how I used to believe this world was moving to a better place, rising to a higher state of being. I was so, so wrong. And so I cry tears of shock and grief at the depths that sin can twist the human nature. It also causes me to wonder in awe at your long-suffering nature. You, who is perfect and righteous and just, to patiently wait for Your plan to come to fullness while sin/evil appears to gain the upper hand. And also knowing that without Your restraining hand, what I saw today would be but a fraction of what fully unleashed evil would look like. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Thank You Father for your plan of redemption through your Son Jesus to save us from the inevitable dark death that sin leads to. I am forever, and eternally grateful for this precious, precious gift.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">In Jesus's Holy Name,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Amen</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-62222710251559011602011-12-08T17:03:00.009-06:002011-12-09T20:54:56.361-06:00I'm back!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Well hello there again! It's been awhile, hasn't it. 6 months, I believe. Well, my summer happened to take off about that time and I found myself immersed in new activities I would have never dreamed I could do. I grew a garden for the first time in my life, (and was apparently quite successful according to other seasoned gardeners). As a result, I also spent much time learning to can as well! I actually have a pantry now stocked with home grown food!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I also spent an inordinate amount of time on my hands and knees plucking creeping charlie out of our lawn. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Yea, I know. It probably began because we had one section of our yard relandscaped in order to shore up a side of our house that was vulnerable to rain water leaking in. Our yard always became a running river whenever it would rain and run right up against the house.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Well, after they relandscaped and reseeded with grass, I was amazed at the plush new carpet that grew where before it had just been scattered weeds and depleted soil. But then I saw the remaining yard still in it's sickly looking state mostly overtaken by creeping charlie and thus began the plucking. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">You may ask why I did not just napalm it all with various chemicals. I considered it. But after plopping down one budding warm day in June and gently prying my fingers underneath the vast network of shallow vines these ivy creepers propagate through and found how easy it was to pull them up in clumps, I decided that it was good therapy and made it a daily endeavor. So each morning, I'd go out, attend to my garden, grapevine and other flowering beds, then I would load up my MP3 player with some inspiring sermons from pastors such as Ed Young, Jack Graham, or Ravi Zacharius, grabbed my bucket and began plucking. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Thus ensued the BEST. SUMMER. EVER. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Prior to this, you could not find me outside doing "yardwork" for NOTHIN. Never did a groove on my hand contain a stain of dirt nor a bead of sweat moisten my brow. But by the end of this summer, I had permanent callouses on every pad of my palms, a tan to beat the band and muscles popping up where I didn't know I had any! Once the plucking was complete, I realized that the soil itself (due to erosion from water runoff) was basically dead. I needed a bunch of new dirt before I could reseed with grass. Here again, I could have just called a contractor to haul out a bunch of it and spread it out for me. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1haJJeq-gSsFvqzuukiZHX5ELMgNVtt2HIcjFU5Gh4bme-o67y8ZjjtciSsIEmUvQyZSXV90yFVz708b-e5etAK1SPurZ7zB7FZgiNJAdy1jqm68QcS5NMBTNDcgx8cEUTCQSyU-r7KBM/s1600/easybutton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1haJJeq-gSsFvqzuukiZHX5ELMgNVtt2HIcjFU5Gh4bme-o67y8ZjjtciSsIEmUvQyZSXV90yFVz708b-e5etAK1SPurZ7zB7FZgiNJAdy1jqm68QcS5NMBTNDcgx8cEUTCQSyU-r7KBM/s200/easybutton.jpg" width="133" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">But instead, I found out that we had a compost place right in town (2 minute drive) where I could take all the black dirt I wanted, for free. So pickup truck load by pickup truck load I hauled the dirt and spread it over my yard, one section at a time. It took several weeks to complete. I then reseeded it and spent then next 2 weeks or so after that perfecting a watering routine that allowed all areas to be covered every 36 hours. (we had NO rain to speak of from about the 2nd week of Aug. until early Oct). And by mid Sept. I had a lush green lawn where I had never had one before. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(sorry no pictures as I totally didn't even think about it! And now there's snow covering it).</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Depending on one's viewpoint, some may see this as just a yuppie homeowner with nothing better to do than to "Jonesy up" their property. If you saw the state of other aspects of my home, you would definitely know this was NOT the case! LOL! No, this whole experience goes much deeper. It was never about the grass, or the yard or the soil or even the weeds (although I do definitely enjoy the soft, green, weed-free blanket of plush that is now my yard). No, what happend was from the moment I bent down to pluck that first chunk of charlie, I felt an immediate deeper connection to the Creator of those weeds than I had had up to that point. And I wanted more of it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The plucking became like a prayer....like one long unending, joyous, intimate, very, very intimate conversation with God. There were times when I would just stop and weep, tender tears of intimacy, as He would surround me with His presence. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then other times when I would be filled with awe as I pushed myself physically past where I thought I was capable, knowing that it was HIS strength that coursed through me. He was both my cheerleader AND the adrenaline in my veins. But mostly, it was simply an ongoing exchange where He taught me. He would bring scripture to mind that I recently read and I would meditate on it while He revealed its meaning to me. I learned to become oh so still inside as I asked questions and then waited for His response. I would burst out verbally in amazement when a new revelation would come upon me. I experienced God as my Sovereign Creator and my Loving Father. I experienced Jesus as my awesome Redeeming Savior and also my Best. Friend. I experienced the Holy Spirit as my true Guide and source of unexplainable Joy.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And yet I know I have only begun to experience but a nano-fraction of a drop of who He really is.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">What I do know is this: He is REAL. He is TRUE. He is Alive! He loves me. He is faithful. And He can be fully trusted. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The summer has ended, (frown) but my deepening relationship with Him has not. And for one who usually grits her teeth through winter, this year, I'm excited to see what kinds of new things He will bring my way for us to connect through. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Dear Father, I pray fervently that others discover this kind of intimate relationship with You. I pray that you illuminate their minds and hearts with the Truth of who You are. That You would part the veil and give them even a glimpse of Your awesomeness, knowing that this one glimpse can change them for the rest of their lives and fill them with an aching desire to know You more and more. I know so well how foreign these kinds of words felt to me before, they made no sense. They sounded silly and cheesy when I would read or hear them. I am still so amazed at your ability to completely awash someone with your Presence and open their eyes and ears to full understanding. And I know it is ONLY by your revealing Presence, through the Holy Spirit, that this is accomplished. So I pray for tender, open hearts, who may say that Your way is not theirs, but deep down, they ache for just this kind of Love. The kind of Love only YOU can give. The kind that says, "you do not have to do anything to earn this Love, and once you choose it, you can do NOTHING to lose it. I give it to you freely, as a gift." Father, I thank You deeply for Your son, Jesus, who died on the cross and made it possible for us to receive this gift. Without this act of Love, our relationship would not be possible as you have said in Your word regarding Jesus: I am the Way, the Truth and the Life and no one comes to the Father except through Me (John 14:6) and I pray that you touch the hearts of all who read these words with this Truth. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">In Jesus's sweet, holy name, Amen</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-56973391900663874482011-06-15T10:05:00.009-05:002011-07-08T09:37:45.532-05:00Spirit vs Law<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMAU1Ohl7tZY-DlNr3GF4FUlUnNG2SQE9EolzdJLzWM0d2vM1gTp9JimaqcVWeDXZDeaOE4q6gStL3cn4oVbBAC-YSpc_7xlbtLxDhW-3RJPxSBAVm6e0AIb9pY85VbVaKXfbAAXubhZY/s1600/Freed280.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMAU1Ohl7tZY-DlNr3GF4FUlUnNG2SQE9EolzdJLzWM0d2vM1gTp9JimaqcVWeDXZDeaOE4q6gStL3cn4oVbBAC-YSpc_7xlbtLxDhW-3RJPxSBAVm6e0AIb9pY85VbVaKXfbAAXubhZY/s200/Freed280.png" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><span style="color: #003333;">“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1)</span></i></b></span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Wow, it's been awhile since I posted last. Didn't realize THAT much time had gone by. There's been several reasons though, number one is that I was thick into getting ready for my firstborn daughter Sarah's graduation. (tears!). She just graduated and had her open house last weekend. And just as she is about to discover her own experience of new freedom, I have been experiencing my own.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have found that this journey has become so intensely personal and as wordy as I am, I really am at a loss on how to convey it. To sum it up as succinctly as I can, I am discovering in a profound way just how free I am in Christ and what it truly means to be RELEASED from bondage, from the law (as in old testament), from this world, from sin and even from myself. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">"For the law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:2</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-size: large;">One of the things that this discovery came through is in my search to get baptized. I felt the strong nudge to do so not long after my conversion but we were knee deep into winter at the time and most churches only do baptisms once or twice a year (really?????). That surprises me actually because from my bible reading and research it seems clear that conversion and baptism go hand in hand as close together as possible. Paul speaks with an urgency about it in his letters to the churches and John the Baptist sure had an assembly line of people parading through that river too!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Well, this spring the nudge came back with an urgency again and I called around to some churches who mostly said, in effect, here's our schedule, here's the hoops you gotta jump through and we'll get ya on the list. Uh Uhhh.....not for me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> So I did some deep praying and through that it was shown to me that yes, baptism is important, but it is more important to do so within the spirit of the act, not the "law" of the act. Baptism is for the person being baptized and is not an "obligation" that is "owed" to God or an act that must be crossed off the checklist of things "good Christians must do." It is not the act itself that does anything, rather the act is done in RESPONSE to what has already occurred. It is an outward expression of an inward change and is done with a genuine desire to demonstrate a commitment to turn away from my old life and begin fresh and anew in a new life in Christ. If it's done for any other reason, it means nothing. It is also not necessary for a "professional" to baptize. Any solid, mature Christian can baptize someone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So once the weather FINALLY warms up consistently, I will be going down to the river we have running through our park in town and Jerry and my mother will baptize me. My 2 girls will be present as well. It's important to me also that it be "living waters" and not a pool or tub.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Another circumstance that further revealed to me the true meaning of being free in Christ came through some intense research I did into the Jewish/Hebrew roots of the Old Testament. I was studying the Feasts of the Lord (also known as the "Jewish feasts") and coming to find how all of the feasts were prophetic pictures of things that were going to occur. They were rehearsals for the eventual coming of the Messiah. The spring feasts, right down to the minutest detail all foreshadow the birth, crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ. And the fall feasts are foreshadows of His second coming yet to occur. I found this guy (Michael Rood) who had a ton of videos detailing not only the feasts but many other revelations about the old testament and also about how pagan beliefs/rituals became so entwined with Jewish/Christian ones. For 2 weeks I was absorbed in it. I found myself feeling like I had to make all of these big changes in my life in response to the new information I was receiving. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh9gqK7UWrB622s0cKpvSig4uZ1xl1-2y1amYHFU6ckOMFbD1r7NQ15_r0IO2eOT7AQyiMwVh9JyhPtA0lkDFcF68mxn45VQxp3P40QKB1UQDyHb3iVDwdX2yWLfFPyd19CKeGdVMl1n4D/s1600/chart_feasts_0416-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh9gqK7UWrB622s0cKpvSig4uZ1xl1-2y1amYHFU6ckOMFbD1r7NQ15_r0IO2eOT7AQyiMwVh9JyhPtA0lkDFcF68mxn45VQxp3P40QKB1UQDyHb3iVDwdX2yWLfFPyd19CKeGdVMl1n4D/s320/chart_feasts_0416-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Here's a link to an article that gives a very good and easy to read description of how the feasts all point to Christ.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.lamblion.com/articles/articles_jews3.php">http://www.lamblion.com/articles/articles_jews3.php</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Until one day, in one of his videos he said something that sent a shockwave through me. He said that belief in the messiah (he never called him Christ or Savior) was not enough, one MUST follow the old testament law as well or one is not saved. At that point, everything I had been studying from him came into question. At the same time (like literally within an hour of me seeing this video), my sweetie Jerry sent me several links in an email that exposed Michael Rood for who he really is. A false prophet. I won't go into the details of all this other than to say I am now aware of a big movement where there is a push to "homogenize" all of the various religions into one. One element of this is to convince Christians to "get back to their Hebrew roots." It's a movement that seems focused on putting the Torah (old covenant) into a more prominent position than what Christ did on the cross (new covenant). There's a LOT I'd like to write about this whole thing but I will save it for another post.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For me, this experience showed me how EASY it is to fall out of the Spirit and start following man/the world instead of Him. At the same time, I know He led me through all of that to find the gem that was meant just for me. And that gem was really GETTING now what Grace really means. How, through Christ, I am saved by GRACE and NOT works/acts or ANYTHING that I do. It is ALL about what HE has done FOR me. And in accepting this, I am no longer bound by ANY laws or rules or obligations. </span><span style="font-size: large;">It's not about mechanically keeping commandments etc. (although these are important, if not done in the Spirit, they mean nothing).</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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<div style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">Not by might nor by power but by my Spirit sayeth the Lord of Hosts." Zach. 4:6</span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> It is solely and completely about where HE desires to take me, no matter how kaddywompus the path looks. I really GOT how I am FREE in this way. So much of religion is all about the rituals and about the do's and don'ts as well as the man made traditions that become obligations on how to be a "good Christian" or "acceptable to God." But when we are IN CHRIST (oh how I wish I could convey what I now understand this to mean) none of those things are needed. As I follow HIM, I am fully and completely accepted BY and THROUGH Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ok, I like pictorals. I'm going to try and create one now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Imagine a path, with curves and bends but always moving forward in one direction. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcxX_W-BSMVyaW11cU8KtKxTLRaibP8nOdcPXfjkgs0QFdei8Ay21tN-zYGoD5fXzQKVuZpw_6BPH_qsOVXBGjS3diR9EqOs3jHM_pZrCuXGzOVfojycvjkqYe98JdBEb0oCmwa9Z2Jm5s/s1600/windingpath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcxX_W-BSMVyaW11cU8KtKxTLRaibP8nOdcPXfjkgs0QFdei8Ay21tN-zYGoD5fXzQKVuZpw_6BPH_qsOVXBGjS3diR9EqOs3jHM_pZrCuXGzOVfojycvjkqYe98JdBEb0oCmwa9Z2Jm5s/s320/windingpath.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-size: large;">Along this path on either side are all these tents and booths like at a carnival. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAIekK9uZjquh9K1jItYe5jtit8df1zNWt3liTC_5ottBNDHQHZCH38RAx5mrRmCMUOk04KR3atRugarsXrDVH044-nHp4Kmxb4cLQgsQdHOA_oUWrDEqSmoRcHIp4uZwQ19YXPCYdwioE/s1600/boothsstreet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAIekK9uZjquh9K1jItYe5jtit8df1zNWt3liTC_5ottBNDHQHZCH38RAx5mrRmCMUOk04KR3atRugarsXrDVH044-nHp4Kmxb4cLQgsQdHOA_oUWrDEqSmoRcHIp4uZwQ19YXPCYdwioE/s320/boothsstreet.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">At the head of the path is the gate where Jesus met me at my conversion. We began to walk along this path, dancing actually, twirling and hugging and totally focused on one another. Sometimes we will sit facing one another, foreheads touching and He reads to me from the bible. Sometimes we stand, hugging so closely that sometimes you can't tell where one ends and the other begins. But mostly, He takes me by the hand and we walk down the path.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY2vyMJHTBZB0Zdue0KnxhW8MtAt0vEDzcE3J1T_xF9K5rUq8vleH7AxLQLnH9HWKYXtYzMKDW09Fe04wk4oPhlAJr57cED6MkTvBPWBluJ6U7v7X6ARq-RrzO2DjWaMc6YHVILatauAjJ/s1600/circus-or-revival-tent1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY2vyMJHTBZB0Zdue0KnxhW8MtAt0vEDzcE3J1T_xF9K5rUq8vleH7AxLQLnH9HWKYXtYzMKDW09Fe04wk4oPhlAJr57cED6MkTvBPWBluJ6U7v7X6ARq-RrzO2DjWaMc6YHVILatauAjJ/s320/circus-or-revival-tent1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">At one point, I notice the tents and booths and I am curious. I go over to one and there is a very articulate speaker speaking his wisdom of the bible and of God. I learn a lot, but not much really "sinks in" as it is all head knowledge. I turn to see Jesus who's patiently waiting for me back on the path. So I go back and join Him and we continue on.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN1cw3KKemy5afAiYTBqxbUemtxNSPlGLxkOo9fo7iU6aJ_o1M_bw1qCVbhUR_14YOLrmdqNxOh0OAQi1AM4ilftnqCH75KNWoDJo7yZcMEOt3I1E2dAzuqKvvnDpcq_L41VAKylbkUfQl/s1600/people-praising.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN1cw3KKemy5afAiYTBqxbUemtxNSPlGLxkOo9fo7iU6aJ_o1M_bw1qCVbhUR_14YOLrmdqNxOh0OAQi1AM4ilftnqCH75KNWoDJo7yZcMEOt3I1E2dAzuqKvvnDpcq_L41VAKylbkUfQl/s1600/people-praising.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Further up the path, I spot another area that is all lit up and people are singing praises and dancing. I rush over and join them dancing and singing and praising. I feel so high and lifted up! But as soon as they stop singing, I feel deflated and alone. I look back over on the path and there is Jesus smiling at me. I run back to join Him and immediately feel fulfilled. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5xMI6RYCM_ScxRwtRUh8jweVrpvNzOLSVdr80Q4YBv4iYrBedolWTEztJIWSRk_pbCvvQxTNIFM5Pli1iBp6Xcaipnpt8OBO2uj83DA_Sg_UoYYlIICzAYJTIwzrcZzhXOLGHysgUt30L/s1600/jesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5xMI6RYCM_ScxRwtRUh8jweVrpvNzOLSVdr80Q4YBv4iYrBedolWTEztJIWSRk_pbCvvQxTNIFM5Pli1iBp6Xcaipnpt8OBO2uj83DA_Sg_UoYYlIICzAYJTIwzrcZzhXOLGHysgUt30L/s320/jesus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A little further on, I find a huge ornate building. It's absolutely breathtaking. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisTcTZOmA0WiYCwhTgUyoCZ6wpeZV3Om9vH4hr7wTIRRd7X34HDRyeHv3h9069-m-4F2ZEHwhiXQtxYvnq06O8T-5C9n-IVqASWVuIxODS50gfzPOKHJmMiGJ0k9Jf64JEPupHnnEfsr1M/s1600/the-altar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisTcTZOmA0WiYCwhTgUyoCZ6wpeZV3Om9vH4hr7wTIRRd7X34HDRyeHv3h9069-m-4F2ZEHwhiXQtxYvnq06O8T-5C9n-IVqASWVuIxODS50gfzPOKHJmMiGJ0k9Jf64JEPupHnnEfsr1M/s320/the-altar.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I find myself drawn to go inside. There are lots of people and a huge platform at the front with ornate tables and altars. I hear a soft humming of a choir in the background. There is a solemness to the room. They are doing some sort of ritual which I join them in. I feel like I am doing something very important but am not sure what. When it's over, they put the candles out, the choir stops humming and people leave the building. And once again, I feel empty.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">With head hanging low, I leave the building. As I look down, I notice my own shadow. Seeing it makes me intensely aware of myself and I sit down in it and find myself getting depressed. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil3oipXx_RTSgjNFW-WBTUWBMyPdO2NlCzV2WLIGliAubOKTaR-yLbXONSKzTqYzVNNPwZ1M3X7M0uHsdX5zkrfvmfkN_KAObKmnJYkXZDStTOMdOZPZUt1W6yW_Y7thytBM-wtAQ8g-hR/s1600/woman_sitting_with_shadow_cast_on_floor_1800795.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil3oipXx_RTSgjNFW-WBTUWBMyPdO2NlCzV2WLIGliAubOKTaR-yLbXONSKzTqYzVNNPwZ1M3X7M0uHsdX5zkrfvmfkN_KAObKmnJYkXZDStTOMdOZPZUt1W6yW_Y7thytBM-wtAQ8g-hR/s320/woman_sitting_with_shadow_cast_on_floor_1800795.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I forget all about the path and Jesus who is still standing there waiting for me to rejoin Him. I ponder why it is I cannot seem to retain the joy I feel when I am worshiping or learning about the Word or when I am giving thanks to Him through established rituals. I'm "doing everything right" but yet I still feel empty. Further and further I sink into despair.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">After an unknown amount of time, I feel someone lifting my chin up. I look up and my eyes meet with His and instantly I am reminded of who I really am and where it is I am to go. I cry tears of relief as He takes my hand and leads me back to the path and we begin our dance once again. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl4PAG2UjwGfXH_ZPuxAK_jvqwO6dLQrXnUEBbWv9WlaCHEp8_-PFxYjZVBYVoRKw3Itgfct7CPJ-I3WXCobkAF0AiS-jzz0bNe3s5vvZgdlYoKdCzcSW-a0PSfSWgm3Y8qXUiT4gGnFN_/s1600/jesus+grasping+hand.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl4PAG2UjwGfXH_ZPuxAK_jvqwO6dLQrXnUEBbWv9WlaCHEp8_-PFxYjZVBYVoRKw3Itgfct7CPJ-I3WXCobkAF0AiS-jzz0bNe3s5vvZgdlYoKdCzcSW-a0PSfSWgm3Y8qXUiT4gGnFN_/s320/jesus+grasping+hand.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As we are moving, I look down and realize I no longer cast a shadow, even though I am in bright light. I look back to Him and from then on, that's all that exists.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As we continue on the path, I still see the booths and tents, however now, I look to Him to see if it is where He will have me go and if so, we go there TOGETHER, hand in hand. And it doesn't matter if the people in the tents are whacky or if the speakers are interspersing their own idea of truth in the midst of the real Truth. With Him at my side, I am safe and He will show me all that I need from it. And when we go into the solemn buildings I am free to participate, or to simply observe. I am not obligated to do ANYTHING unless His spirit fills me with a desire to do so. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And as I walk in this way with Christ, IN Christ, I am seen by the Father at all times as acceptable to Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm aware this is a simplified allegory. I know there are other aspects of the walk I have not focused on here but I tell it the way I did to emphasize how keeping my focus on HIM and abiding IN HIM completely frees me to walk into any situation or through any circumstance without doubt or fear or any sense of obligation or requirements. It is through intimacy and communion with Him that my life is immeasurably enriched and becomes immeasurably pleasing to Him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Abba (daddy), may my life always reflect your Joy, your delight and your blessings. I love you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Amen</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-51310157575847077872011-04-16T08:00:00.005-05:002011-06-22T12:35:03.787-05:00This is what God feels like<span style="font-size: large;">I get so busy/obsessed sometimes trying to describe the things I've learned and been experiencing these past 5 months but words just often don't convey well at all. I know that it is the Holy Spirit that does the true talking and I'd like to invite you to hear Him speak today. So sit back, relax, turn up your speakers and see if you can feel the moment that His Holy Presence fills this arena. (hint, it is not necessarily when things are loud)!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am also including another video that comes right after this one in the concert. This is Michael W. Smith.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/HPBmFwBSGb0?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'd like to include one more video in honor of the people I have treasured who have moved on from my life. You will always be in my heart and my door will always be open. I love you.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/IbPKaIozS-c?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Father, I pray that you pour your Spirit over all who view these videos so that they can feel your Loving Presence. I pray that there is an openness for You to be revealed and to speak directly to their heart. Words alone are not enough, it is Your convicting touch that changes lives. It did mine and I pray for the same to all those I have called friend. Thanks be to You dear Lord for all that You have done, are doing and will do. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">In Your Holy name I pray,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Amen</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-12967160575879726112011-03-26T09:45:00.009-05:002011-04-15T08:35:53.770-05:00The Grand Lie<span style="font-size: large;">All iniquity against the Sovereign God in all of history, even back to the beginning, can be brought down to one statement:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"I can be like God."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Consider this statement</span><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: large;">:</span><br />
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<div style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: large;">"For you have said to yourself, I will ascend to heaven and set my throne above God's stars (angels). I will preside on the mountain (kingdom)of the (lesser) gods (rulers of Earth) far away in the north. I will climb to the highest heavens and be like the Most High." Isaiah 14: 13-14</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: large;"> </span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> At the beginning of time, this statement was uttered by one of most beautiful, most radiant of all God's created beings. He was called "light bearer." </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">His name, was Lucifer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Exalting and glorifying self, even unto the likes of God IS the origins of all iniquity in the world. All throughout history and even into today, this rebellion/turning away can be seen, where humanity has decided that he/she alone is the determiner of his/her destiny, he/she alone is the source of his/her own power. And that he/she alone can resolve their own dualistic conflicts and move beyond their own limited state of being.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is a lie. A grand lie. THE grand lie. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Free will is an immeasurably awesome gift, but one that must be treated with the utmost of respect and used with the utmost of wisdom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It behooves us to choose wisely.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Father, I pray that those who read this come to the realization that self and You are not one and the same. And that they cannot elevate themselves unto You. Over and over, from the beginning of time, You have shown us that climbing the stairway to Heaven on our own efforts leads to nothing but destruction and failure. Lucifer’s proclamations of “I will” says it all. It is not possible to will ourselves into Your Peace, Your Joy and Your Love. And it is certainly not possible for us to become those things ourselves. Choosing YOU as God keeps one in communion with You forever and ever. Choosing self as god keeps one separated from You forever and ever. I pray all who read this choose You.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In Your most Holy name I pray</span><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: large;">,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-size: large;">Amen</span><br />
</span></span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-91580001585098790672011-03-05T15:29:00.004-06:002011-03-05T18:22:25.367-06:00Time out to make a joyful noise unto the Lord!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTAySD34Yom_-UVQPiXT8aWr0bt2ffnW1a4cgyW7MTBGlJRJL7hnQCTk4iJ2R5jVknqixcrSuK6aCEFZ4ZeESLRdmj_cglsvzE6SQ3-KUZQ7_FXcnq9V_EElMTN-lASsdzEPcywyR_IQTg/s1600/imsohappy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTAySD34Yom_-UVQPiXT8aWr0bt2ffnW1a4cgyW7MTBGlJRJL7hnQCTk4iJ2R5jVknqixcrSuK6aCEFZ4ZeESLRdmj_cglsvzE6SQ3-KUZQ7_FXcnq9V_EElMTN-lASsdzEPcywyR_IQTg/s320/imsohappy.gif" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Oh today is just one of those days I wanna sing a little ditty and dance a little goofy because I so love the Lord!!! Oh how different was my sight before He came to me. Oh how much more I understand and see now that He has! It is so, so true that He cannot be fully understood without the touch of His Spirit. Words are just words until they are brought to life by His illuminating Presence. So so so so different than who I thought He was before!!! I was so limited in my understanding, in my mind, trying to figure it all out, thinking I knew. Being a Christian, SO not about religion, not a set of rules, and sooooo not mundane or dire or limiting!!! It is all about the RELATIONSHIP! Deep, intimate, solid, abiding, continuously revealing, amazingly awe inspiring, JOYFUL, reverent (OH so reverent), gentle, overflowing and oh so sosososososososoosos Loving. Like nothing else!!!! It is in the relationship that I am renewed, retooled, given a new mind and a new heart, no longer relying on my own understanding but rather am able to see from His perspective. My will IS His will simply by the abiding nature of the relationship!! My desire to praise Him, to be close to Him, to know Him is what brings it all into alignment. I simply Love and worship Him and He does the rest!! PURE HEAVEN!!!!! </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCR0xK6Ji0a3MJDqOJeib-kUPsYYnV1JOeGs7-MhHGQ3bVbRS6A1-S_YqQwbZHbe0NZX2LwvKt24EJK_iC__LdmcSu7jJ1W9lGj9phtr4YLvzBnDKOw4TZtgniCjIb-eTxu3Vtd0zZoa0z/s1600/309381.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCR0xK6Ji0a3MJDqOJeib-kUPsYYnV1JOeGs7-MhHGQ3bVbRS6A1-S_YqQwbZHbe0NZX2LwvKt24EJK_iC__LdmcSu7jJ1W9lGj9phtr4YLvzBnDKOw4TZtgniCjIb-eTxu3Vtd0zZoa0z/s1600/309381.gif" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And it is this that has me dancing with utter joy today. It's just so so so so wonderful, everything He has done, everything He is doing and everything He will do. AMEN!!!!!!</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjha2KSqfFcvtFIr8Ssc1U8xG9Sv6U6B4WoVn_1w14pl6GXPcg7wC4RT6vpdPvRBlDBdys9585Vj-FnDLfsLjSKDNLCWp7LrntR07HFrhN26bTqklTZVuwAwxBuuKL_EkR1UbzZP1nUnOX5/s1600/snoopy_dance_big.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjha2KSqfFcvtFIr8Ssc1U8xG9Sv6U6B4WoVn_1w14pl6GXPcg7wC4RT6vpdPvRBlDBdys9585Vj-FnDLfsLjSKDNLCWp7LrntR07HFrhN26bTqklTZVuwAwxBuuKL_EkR1UbzZP1nUnOX5/s1600/snoopy_dance_big.gif" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I dance on my tippy toes, and hum and whistle a little tune and shake my head about in a silly goofy way because I feel FREE and LIGHT and FULFILLED!!! I shall not want, indeed!!!! </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNvlbMszwJK4T2V5BWb3j7dlDvYSDB3GQpMcLQshFJwir7eBtlgm6D6URuG1NKEX4L44MpUIhBYdscranyR_fR2rJjd6p-t2v35aSyzY2zJ8a7Nzijp2hkYpBv50VB-rQh49V4L0LB5W3p/s1600/dogdance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNvlbMszwJK4T2V5BWb3j7dlDvYSDB3GQpMcLQshFJwir7eBtlgm6D6URuG1NKEX4L44MpUIhBYdscranyR_fR2rJjd6p-t2v35aSyzY2zJ8a7Nzijp2hkYpBv50VB-rQh49V4L0LB5W3p/s200/dogdance.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Oh sweet, loving, complete, unchangeable, reliable, intimately personal Lord I pray that your Spirit pour out to overflowing on all who are seeking You, who don't know your purifying and clarifying touch, who crave it but don't know what it is they are truly craving. Find those doors that you have knocked on that have opened even the SLIGHTEST crack and SHOWER the annointing oil of Your blessed Presence from the top of their head to the tips of their toes and let them SEEEEEE just how free they can be in Your Light, Your Truth and Your Love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Hallelujahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Hallelujahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Holy Holy Holy is Your Name!!!! I praise You, I praise You today and for all of eternity. AMEN!!!!!!!</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-44741461736887504132011-02-16T11:29:00.007-06:002011-02-23T07:48:27.956-06:00A time of reflection and a declaration<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICqEWQf0DEjbzKzVvMXbW01EhXJSWAgqD7JrgIAf9_x9UvDzJmciBAXGoyBkdDcr-nG3zoTvgMeshs8fgcaO_ZWQMQkFSx3Fv2OzjfM4Qaqqo804W-RnCzlcYI131O9Nv4MQgP0Qc-n1g/s1600/talkingonphone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICqEWQf0DEjbzKzVvMXbW01EhXJSWAgqD7JrgIAf9_x9UvDzJmciBAXGoyBkdDcr-nG3zoTvgMeshs8fgcaO_ZWQMQkFSx3Fv2OzjfM4Qaqqo804W-RnCzlcYI131O9Nv4MQgP0Qc-n1g/s200/talkingonphone.jpg" width="143" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">When I began this blog, it was because I wanted to shout to the world about this fantastically wonderful thing that has happened to me. I've always been this way. Whenever I discover something new, a new understanding, a new insight, I want to tell everyone and I usually do so, quite enthusiastically. My friends have been such a blessing to me over the years for putting up with my many exhuberant (and usually long winded) expressions.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBMdXxmAtOBrgXId7tbEJjHfzuBzckf3WvmT0KSxrBQKMgh5Y59LGMimHfHc0n-45264tCXnEsthj3LUzf3cl3FFfbCQEQM98F__kV4SaqEP7SPWfMkHkofXDvJh5lBz1h_Rk0ySjLN212/s1600/1doubt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBMdXxmAtOBrgXId7tbEJjHfzuBzckf3WvmT0KSxrBQKMgh5Y59LGMimHfHc0n-45264tCXnEsthj3LUzf3cl3FFfbCQEQM98F__kV4SaqEP7SPWfMkHkofXDvJh5lBz1h_Rk0ySjLN212/s200/1doubt.jpg" width="138" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">However, besides just wanting to express my passion, part of my (at first unconscious) motivation in doing so was because I also wanted to find validation from others in how I felt. It wasn't enough that I felt the way I did, I needed others to do so as well. I wanted to be accepted and having others agree with me is how I measured that acceptance. Many times, others did agree as I was often told I am a convincing speaker, however, if others didn't agree with my view, I would begin to doubt myself and I would find myself modifying my perceptions to more closely match theirs. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip83O7uiMSfxFgwUJnvvIZ6E1lTyCCl38y3OWgiFLPaaU4t7d8RJA_fqFvRMSjJJZb2tN0ftMBYgAih7e7mJjMmOQHUTLC_OvBYPt5VOHU8rZIwtwbt1hh8AK-xmEBcBix-_krrJcFqko2/s1600/life-tongue-tied_300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip83O7uiMSfxFgwUJnvvIZ6E1lTyCCl38y3OWgiFLPaaU4t7d8RJA_fqFvRMSjJJZb2tN0ftMBYgAih7e7mJjMmOQHUTLC_OvBYPt5VOHU8rZIwtwbt1hh8AK-xmEBcBix-_krrJcFqko2/s200/life-tongue-tied_300.jpg" width="167" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">But when this revelation to beat all revelations happened last November, I was so profoundly affected that I could hardly speak at all, at least not in a way that I could coherently and accurately convey what was happening to me. I'm not used to that and it was frustrating! I tripped over my own tongue a lot in the few conversations I had with friends at that time. So when God encouraged me to write it out in the form of this blog, I didn't hesitate to put my fingers to this keyboard and just start typing and typing and I didn't pick them up until I had gotten it all out. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlvAZkXjENzsxb7a0Vk9SF39PpJaZ0QZhkpgIIgiaqy8nEy0LrJ7bIIF2IwrOxGulgFzLbxoiSiyNKPOjNdSYJktYhWIyZBzkcxjQxJPTSU9MkbF1QjcVbQ9w9Jp6Sli6dAE2pED8b5ZWB/s1600/sorry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlvAZkXjENzsxb7a0Vk9SF39PpJaZ0QZhkpgIIgiaqy8nEy0LrJ7bIIF2IwrOxGulgFzLbxoiSiyNKPOjNdSYJktYhWIyZBzkcxjQxJPTSU9MkbF1QjcVbQ9w9Jp6Sli6dAE2pED8b5ZWB/s200/sorry.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">In doing so, what came out was raw and unedited and unfortunately, upset several people in my life who most decidely did not agree with what I have shared here. Part of what was objected to is the WAY in which I refer to my previous beliefs (their beliefs) which was seen as negative and dismissive. In a few instances, I agree. It is one thing for me to no longer agree with those beliefs, but another for me to belittle them. I feel that there were several posts where I crossed that line and for that, I publically apologize. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVR6NOgMJiwvvkPGD3LG_FUyRD5VYDdsup3Nk0A6gOceZaB7wTxeOykVNkxEDs3eRrb_Jn10I2sCJ2VZULHk4Mm5DqNUtEWkMuih4cZzVZJoj-778m6UVIknnJVg7HZZiFySTCpTgqx0qI/s1600/too-many-errors-have-occured2800x60.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVR6NOgMJiwvvkPGD3LG_FUyRD5VYDdsup3Nk0A6gOceZaB7wTxeOykVNkxEDs3eRrb_Jn10I2sCJ2VZULHk4Mm5DqNUtEWkMuih4cZzVZJoj-778m6UVIknnJVg7HZZiFySTCpTgqx0qI/s200/too-many-errors-have-occured2800x60.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">But in the rest of the posts, my expressions of disagreement simply come from the fact that what I believed before is fundamentally at odds with what I now hold to be true. By their very nature, they cannot both be true at the same time. I thought that this would be self evident but maybe it's not. And now I find myself in a position where I am challenged to stand firm without compromise on what I know to be true, even if it means I will not be accepted or validated. To proclaim and declare this wonderful revelation even if nobody else is there to listen. This is definitely new territory for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But because of my profound love for God and what He Himself, by His Grace, has so amazingly revealed to me, I declare, without hesitation and with a commitment I have never before had, the following statements of what I hold to be Truth:</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIcyAbZKC3DMXF-hGeFXNLSN80_fFShg6X6wfk5_YiiGunrhh4UZPBLjG0KxsOSzZEvR90ua5WWgR8DXkyrNbBQc-4c7mMVAwvRC0Q0G97i9UOyi3z221TQGXk_gX-kmL8ciyKU5fX3Kxe/s1600/greatGod.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIcyAbZKC3DMXF-hGeFXNLSN80_fFShg6X6wfk5_YiiGunrhh4UZPBLjG0KxsOSzZEvR90ua5WWgR8DXkyrNbBQc-4c7mMVAwvRC0Q0G97i9UOyi3z221TQGXk_gX-kmL8ciyKU5fX3Kxe/s200/greatGod.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">1. There is one Supreme God who is much greater than I. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfBaBwt6sMB3O2oAgqz0CtCpRr70J9R-LbZavnMaxFOqoN9_O2OKoMM-UNfydtvAnf4t8dlas6DniIaNhJXhECxwDI1q-LdxXZTR9umaNgwZ19n9TpBJOmLNlkz4bxW0w1MzXI9jrlC3jF/s1600/step-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfBaBwt6sMB3O2oAgqz0CtCpRr70J9R-LbZavnMaxFOqoN9_O2OKoMM-UNfydtvAnf4t8dlas6DniIaNhJXhECxwDI1q-LdxXZTR9umaNgwZ19n9TpBJOmLNlkz4bxW0w1MzXI9jrlC3jF/s200/step-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">2. I was separated from God because of sin. And I could not, in my own power, rectify this separation.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhlcZAYMlmSC3jZiNjl-nfGtLx9NHxDGGEVMWnAKe4XbYgtOR0-CmgeUR0FDJWfMoUvdFi0AtLV_NMrHOKV9_PUJya5Zuq3jlNjSsnEpBJ-rez81bmQvF2uIQZlvRIHV1eY2zaBLoHiFEC/s1600/heaven-hell+-+101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhlcZAYMlmSC3jZiNjl-nfGtLx9NHxDGGEVMWnAKe4XbYgtOR0-CmgeUR0FDJWfMoUvdFi0AtLV_NMrHOKV9_PUJya5Zuq3jlNjSsnEpBJ-rez81bmQvF2uIQZlvRIHV1eY2zaBLoHiFEC/s200/heaven-hell+-+101.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">3. There is an eternal heaven and hell and the sole/soul purpose of free will is to choose one or the other (my will vs His will). </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWGmnNdvZMj-nkKtj6CdtSzPStuDnlWtfrZCSJw-Mr4hcSUe_LJrCuti6oqMRqYrvV1Piw_4BpNWh2c_lVqLlQQEMWcsXiSkAZwIefyYlDdz0Jm4MqdZ-1K63oCeIfUnEIhdx2WFfiEJVi/s1600/step-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWGmnNdvZMj-nkKtj6CdtSzPStuDnlWtfrZCSJw-Mr4hcSUe_LJrCuti6oqMRqYrvV1Piw_4BpNWh2c_lVqLlQQEMWcsXiSkAZwIefyYlDdz0Jm4MqdZ-1K63oCeIfUnEIhdx2WFfiEJVi/s200/step-4.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">4. It is ONLY through acknowledging the work that Jesus did on the cross, His death and ressurection that paid the price for my sin, that I am able to be reconciled with God.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTbMMq7BdZS1WQJeEvEVbJnOxX25RkKl8IVZEZ6ZeertPZ9yn_HLbhWg5UQHH7FS4ZMXrG9zUcpt30X8WQuVRYufHkgAJg2gzSYRz24KrJUO3rjDaor3D0SsNlPFVgNpnGfSENf2MMe12o/s1600/745.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTbMMq7BdZS1WQJeEvEVbJnOxX25RkKl8IVZEZ6ZeertPZ9yn_HLbhWg5UQHH7FS4ZMXrG9zUcpt30X8WQuVRYufHkgAJg2gzSYRz24KrJUO3rjDaor3D0SsNlPFVgNpnGfSENf2MMe12o/s200/745.jpg" width="162" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">5. The bible is the complete Word of God and contains the absolute Truth.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Mw-uIqNpnwFrHJv0tIU_019D3uhwo7BwNS9yzwyYsLTnGbAcE5EtMTg3V8vhg3r1vp9bMhUpvTo9ZVT-yWU9eTUrZBsAHxwNiGs2tdIxwEsQl22ZGMEPqfWHGotfvI00QE249E1CGdos/s1600/narrow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Mw-uIqNpnwFrHJv0tIU_019D3uhwo7BwNS9yzwyYsLTnGbAcE5EtMTg3V8vhg3r1vp9bMhUpvTo9ZVT-yWU9eTUrZBsAHxwNiGs2tdIxwEsQl22ZGMEPqfWHGotfvI00QE249E1CGdos/s200/narrow.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Before Nov 11th, 2010, these words felt repulsive and cold to me. I rejected them because of their seemingly narrow, conditional and limited nature as well as the fact that it would mean that I was not at all in control of my own life. In addition, it meant that I was not actually connected with God and I certainly felt I had had experiences up to that point that told me I was.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was SO wrong......</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsjSXihWXxLN4EUpY1QrM12TLHwgfDmEBSwox_-j0Ldmddz_QtzbLu6Dx-zAQmfdcUtKoqvDeo0IiJIUYixh7Pd0sLG7ckqfNBlwJNXAvqbyoUFg4qAcsagbkD4fcWcDLsATQbcrBYvhYV/s1600/love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsjSXihWXxLN4EUpY1QrM12TLHwgfDmEBSwox_-j0Ldmddz_QtzbLu6Dx-zAQmfdcUtKoqvDeo0IiJIUYixh7Pd0sLG7ckqfNBlwJNXAvqbyoUFg4qAcsagbkD4fcWcDLsATQbcrBYvhYV/s200/love.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">It was not until this experience and in the days since, that I realized the VAST difference between what I thought being connected was and what it truly is. There is simply no comparison. And now, I see these statements above as some of the most beautiful, unconditionally loving and grace-filled words I could ever, ever hear. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the next few blog posts, I would like to express why I feel this is so. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dear Heavenly Father,</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes and ears to the Truth of your words. Thank you for the Grace of your Presence that illuminated my heart and soul with their full meaning. You are a most amazing, awesome, loving, caring Father who took care of every single detail in my life so that I would be guided to the moment that I surrendered to your most perfect Love. Your Loving Presence not only convicted me of my true nature without you, in sin, but poured out the Truth to me of your most wonderous and loving solution, through Your Son, Jesus Christ, so that I could truly be connected with You. A gift that even a lifetime of contemplating could never be fully understood. And for as long as I live, I will speak of this Gift and the unfathomable Love you demonstrate through the giving of it. With every breath I take, I will exhale praises to You as it is my Joy to do so. Even unto my last day, in my last breath, as I transition into your full Presence, I will sigh... "I Love You." Amen.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9cdlM3SYwERmJ7dE9q48iki05cohwWKcp5GtGf9GyDvQoAdGN_WbHFh03p4qDhctTq7c0NT7zb_Dak13EgsK231LhBSwbXNopL-s8w4A8kcJQQshKUL3rmq_NlUyIA_ZaYko1XyR6A8o5/s1600/Exhale_idea_from_Lara_Jade_by_Sepirgo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9cdlM3SYwERmJ7dE9q48iki05cohwWKcp5GtGf9GyDvQoAdGN_WbHFh03p4qDhctTq7c0NT7zb_Dak13EgsK231LhBSwbXNopL-s8w4A8kcJQQshKUL3rmq_NlUyIA_ZaYko1XyR6A8o5/s320/Exhale_idea_from_Lara_Jade_by_Sepirgo.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b style="background-color: red;">I LOVE YOU</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-87412441442050581812011-01-26T21:42:00.003-06:002011-01-30T08:27:30.762-06:00I SHALL be moved<span style="font-size: large;">It is no small thing when the Creator of all things moves through your soul. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg74B0b4oBqslYUF3blQtbmWYFVfUeI_d6pi43nu5Lqo1MEnP5dz0bwFNYBa-aHX6GJPR_9UTePV5mxa-wXNH-Cxuezpi7wnOCcUxXIyjEWHefivz6GKkQ66iu0rPTqqyIOqPKEUVR7icd0/s1600/galaxy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg74B0b4oBqslYUF3blQtbmWYFVfUeI_d6pi43nu5Lqo1MEnP5dz0bwFNYBa-aHX6GJPR_9UTePV5mxa-wXNH-Cxuezpi7wnOCcUxXIyjEWHefivz6GKkQ66iu0rPTqqyIOqPKEUVR7icd0/s320/galaxy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">He, that created every star in every galaxy in every corner of the unfathomable universe. He that spoke the world we live in into existence. He that formed the ant and the elephant, the grain of sand and the tallest mountain, the cloverleaf and the redwood tree. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">He that did all of these magnificent and incomprehensible things......</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvdWGW-pNKSvkA8DG2JSi64FKuikdRNfBxX8-3u2ts7r1yschAre2Fy_EsQNat3xGFefYK1d9HVwftF6yTUSKZQL_lY7tM3mDn1DUWBFs35U8-853ObrYAdYT-4c5_pyT0gVvawvkukm5S/s1600/intimacy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvdWGW-pNKSvkA8DG2JSi64FKuikdRNfBxX8-3u2ts7r1yschAre2Fy_EsQNat3xGFefYK1d9HVwftF6yTUSKZQL_lY7tM3mDn1DUWBFs35U8-853ObrYAdYT-4c5_pyT0gVvawvkukm5S/s320/intimacy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Is the same One who comes upon me now like the force of a mighty wind, yet with the gentlest of sighs as He whispers His Love through my being. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This God who commands all of Creation with just the sound of His mighty voice, is the same Who caresses me softly in the enveloping arms of His graceful Presence.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie-ke7fM2JnzL1zTskNlUltR2vhMyIg8__QHtQ2Rs0FieLtE_po200TvlSXwKmKn9MhGGL3lG4f64kL3O_SI7wh2o7bdCBzfrbG0w9p-pAM4iviwC8uICCr2e4l6P_fgI8buvsaLGnfM8b/s1600/stock-vector-treble-love-and-music-notes-vector-illustration-10952473.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie-ke7fM2JnzL1zTskNlUltR2vhMyIg8__QHtQ2Rs0FieLtE_po200TvlSXwKmKn9MhGGL3lG4f64kL3O_SI7wh2o7bdCBzfrbG0w9p-pAM4iviwC8uICCr2e4l6P_fgI8buvsaLGnfM8b/s320/stock-vector-treble-love-and-music-notes-vector-illustration-10952473.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">And when in pain, confusion, and feeling loss as I was today, He came to me, in a way that He knew I could not resist....music. He came on the lilting voices of the singers I happened to flip the channel to on TV. It was a replay of an unforgettable moment in the history of these 2 singers on stage. One of those moments where what would normally have been just another performance of singing praise to God, turned into a very real and powerful movement of the Holy Spirit through them and everyone in the room. I was transfixed, but closed. Tears taunted the corners of my eyes but I would not let them out. I was too deep in the confusion over the dichotomy of this profound conviction I have experienced and the pain of how it is changing relationships in my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But God pursued me anyway. He came before me, and gently uncrossed my arms, He enveloped me in His Presence which felt like He was cradling my soul. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvBodPc_EuaJ9adk5BsAvej66s8tsOmUW3WN3S307EHQkUi9w1Steq3nvkbYpLSmxmjDsf8oTfAU6MLEMLBWehP6gFX917f6VA11P8srttFvzzQm5FZylS2GNU42Ho9_RbcC0gcC06f8yL/s1600/prickly-heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvBodPc_EuaJ9adk5BsAvej66s8tsOmUW3WN3S307EHQkUi9w1Steq3nvkbYpLSmxmjDsf8oTfAU6MLEMLBWehP6gFX917f6VA11P8srttFvzzQm5FZylS2GNU42Ho9_RbcC0gcC06f8yL/s200/prickly-heart.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">WHAT IS THIS LOVE that I can hardly fathom! That can so easily soften the porcupine prickles I erect around my heart when I am feeling hurt. No one or thing has EVER been able to affect me so! I have no defense from this Love. He knows me so well and knows exactly what to do and what to say so that I will let down my walls and let Him in. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I never knew that profound peace could co-exist with pain. That in that pain, I could have perfect clarity that all was well. And not just BELIEVE that it is well, but KNOW so because in His Grace, He shows me plainly why it is so. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOJihHf54UhsHyR9HRe5tnAHO6c8jWSIEvv4fk97bsMODGVzDkGqFkfzIOc5bp4gwQtRTHUvmOBY-aqCFRR6-_5nPrz7-_TnBCzrfavDZ9Pd-SQ4yqy3xq9XestMZUraJ1_r2P2TqxG-OF/s1600/%2523+1+creation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOJihHf54UhsHyR9HRe5tnAHO6c8jWSIEvv4fk97bsMODGVzDkGqFkfzIOc5bp4gwQtRTHUvmOBY-aqCFRR6-_5nPrz7-_TnBCzrfavDZ9Pd-SQ4yqy3xq9XestMZUraJ1_r2P2TqxG-OF/s320/%2523+1+creation.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">It is through this experience that I see the Truth of how His Glory is revealed through our trials and struggles. And in doing so, it draws me ever closer to Him and reminds me that this Omniscient mighty God, Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, is also a personal God who is intimately in relationship with me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am moved.</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-18552810489973675572011-01-21T17:18:00.006-06:002011-01-21T18:28:31.414-06:00A spontaneous prayer<span style="font-size: large;">Dear Jesus,</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I love you so much. So, so much. And I've hardly even begun to know who You are! It still feels a bit awkward praying to You because I'm such a perfectionist with my words. And I don't want to say the wrong thing. But I keep getting the message that I can just spill it out like You are my bro or a friend whom I've known all my life. So here it goes.....</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I keep thinking about how much things have changed in the last 2 months. It still blows me away, how complete this conviction is. How real it is. More real than anything I have ever, ever experienced in my life. How easy it is for me to think of You, to speak Your name, to feel Your presence, to know with <b>absolute certainty</b> that You are who the bible says You are. Even when my mind gets going and I'm off in a hamster wheel of questions and judgments and frustrations, the conviction remains, and when I stop, for just a moment to remember that, everything else falls away. I feel like I am home. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I think one thing I have underestimated though, is the impact that this would all have on the people around me. The change within me is so complete, that I cannot even remember thinking/feeling the way I did before. So when I express from this new place, I find that others are surprised and sometimes downright shocked and I don't blame them. I am not who they knew me to be. And I don't know what to do with that. I don't know what to say other than what I have already said in the previous pages of this blog. I have to admit, Jesus, this part of the change really sucks. :(</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">However, my desire to grow in You is powerful and immense. I've never known a desire so strong nor a commitment so deep. Even when I am feeling weak, sad or just plain distracted, it is there, burning deep within me. It overwhelms me sometimes because when I pause long enough to really focus on You, it grows and grows and grows and I am filled and filled and filled until I think I am going to explode. It spills over in my tears of gratitude and joy at just Your presence, so full and alive and real! I have so longed for this all my life and looked for it in so many ways that I still find myself flabbergasted that I have found it, in YOU! It is so freeing and exhilarating and such a RELIEF to know that I no longer have to drift on the winds of uncertainty and the empty illusions of the world but instead, I can plant my roots firmly in the rock solid foundation of your Love and Truth and grow as You have always meant for me to. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But as You have said, it will not always be easy. You have asked me to trust and become more vulnerable than I ever have in my life. Writing this blog, letting go of very special relationships, facing longstanding intimacy issues that scare the dickens out of me, learning to remain quiet when everything in me wants to scream out my defense/excuse/justification, and don't even get me started on learning patience. :smile: Let's just say, I wouldn't do all this for just anyone! :silly grin: </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But I know it's worth it. You are worth every heartache, every loss, and every challenge I experience. Because I trust You. I trust You to fulfill the promises You have made. And because I love You. I love You so much, I ache. I have never felt a Love like that ever. So it's all worth it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If I have one prayer, it is that the Love I have found in You be made visible to everyone around me. That your Love would shine so brightly through me that they, too, would know who You are, or if they have forgotten You, that they remember once again, and come home to You. More than anything else, I pray for this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dear Jesus, personal friend, most Glorious Lord, Wonderful Counselor, You hold the reins to my life, and I remain, perpetually surrendered to Your will. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In Your most holy name, I pray.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Amen.</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-12108662152365650332011-01-11T16:39:00.003-06:002011-01-11T18:37:15.000-06:00Create in me a new heart<span style="font-size: large;">I think I now know why non-Christians sometimes get disillusioned with what it means to be a Christian. The way it is so often portrayed is a person who has been filled with the Holy Spirit and saved by God's grace then goes on to have "all of their cares taken away" and their life becomes a happily ever after. This is most often not true.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The reality is (and many true Christians know this) is that after the initial "glow" of conversion fades, life, in fact, can get much more difficult. The biggest difference is, I know this difficulty has purpose and that I am NOT alone in it, even if I feel alone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is what I have been going through lately. And today, I feel led to put it into words. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Some of the difficulty has been from external things: car and house maintenance issues, issues with my boss/job, old friends continuing to leave, not being able to find a suitable new connection for fellowship (reached out to two house churches in my area with no response). But most of the difficulty has been internal. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwQxV1CbJwyiPoamWKX0VRgBll0-z-_3z8h9A8lNn2W0XMPBxhpq86TIOB0FYBxve3UoOxNritd6S-YWy7pFfsRlQ7F4LRioCVjdQrHelGITt29eqLfGJhqvilMbvxCiP2-ZhzAaiXdGkt/s1600/micromanaging-580x535.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwQxV1CbJwyiPoamWKX0VRgBll0-z-_3z8h9A8lNn2W0XMPBxhpq86TIOB0FYBxve3UoOxNritd6S-YWy7pFfsRlQ7F4LRioCVjdQrHelGITt29eqLfGJhqvilMbvxCiP2-ZhzAaiXdGkt/s320/micromanaging-580x535.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to be in control, to micromanage, to orchestrate my desired outcome for a situation. My way is usually the "only right way." And when I perceive being wronged, I generally let people know in no uncertain terms how I feel about that. I'm also a perfectionist intent on doing something right the FIRST time. And when virtues were being passed out, patience was NOT the one that was handed to me.</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg44SlQjjuNmUJEyZrqqRmPeYNTMIDCJJUmDtH40XsmzPbN0SS54Q1R8aRkMFwTqGqCFZMWPyy9uJdPI3IiB0tzHYUoA22atd5hHVU9BZMz7jpM9-LDOz-uM3tvs-s_QMyKRP4YTUjqqdRu/s1600/dragon_qjpreviewth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg44SlQjjuNmUJEyZrqqRmPeYNTMIDCJJUmDtH40XsmzPbN0SS54Q1R8aRkMFwTqGqCFZMWPyy9uJdPI3IiB0tzHYUoA22atd5hHVU9BZMz7jpM9-LDOz-uM3tvs-s_QMyKRP4YTUjqqdRu/s320/dragon_qjpreviewth.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">I thought that, over the years, I had learned to overcome, or at least, manage these.....er um....traits. But given my experiences of the last month or so, you sure wouldn't know it. Those dragons have blazed their way through the flimsy artificial covering I had on them to let me know they are most definitely still alive and well. And I have been feeling incredibly helpless in the midst of it all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> So this is what the crazy wheel I've been spinning on looks like: </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-RjHc4m0ZVZ78e50b_iM7ZITnz4WPiScBe_muoOmVZgnMARTVbMr9BIUlHa6uBEb_GSF2tvcF_vORBEXhmXQgHz8fRVtUZiUyrbjmsCHLanpmfpDPLQZCmIpzfcihQo3EMVd4d_Nkey69/s1600/huge.95.479367.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-RjHc4m0ZVZ78e50b_iM7ZITnz4WPiScBe_muoOmVZgnMARTVbMr9BIUlHa6uBEb_GSF2tvcF_vORBEXhmXQgHz8fRVtUZiUyrbjmsCHLanpmfpDPLQZCmIpzfcihQo3EMVd4d_Nkey69/s320/huge.95.479367.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I have an overwhelming desire to love and serve God, to get to know Jesus personally more and more. I have these dragons that rear up and shred any attempts I make to demonstrate (both in my thinking and in my actions) this desire in my life, I feel like crap for letting God/Jesus down, I double up my efforts/resolve to "do things right", I fail miserably once again (usually within 5 minutes of renewing my resolve) and then I throw my hands up in frustration and despair. I then remind myself how the whole point is that I CAN'T do it myself and to surrender my will and let God do it, but then I feel so incredibly unworthy of letting Him in and then I realize that by feeling that, I am denying the work that Jesus did on the cross and so I redouble my efforts to fight the lies going through my head by countering it with Truth and then my mind retaliates and I fail miserably again and fall into despair.......and........</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqL1Xez0oXrFGLtEKoKesvlHV1bP-HAuN-csahvRsK79p0jbSZ5xlBZniscfz34qz20mZsDORi8_s3J8U1kcgya7y_boCRC6uHazBOEW1w4R2xoZx4gT9SzDmxC2bLRXud059WsccaPuho/s1600/ist2_2771207_dizzy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqL1Xez0oXrFGLtEKoKesvlHV1bP-HAuN-csahvRsK79p0jbSZ5xlBZniscfz34qz20mZsDORi8_s3J8U1kcgya7y_boCRC6uHazBOEW1w4R2xoZx4gT9SzDmxC2bLRXud059WsccaPuho/s200/ist2_2771207_dizzy.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yea, you get the idea.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfpv3elhngazf91LsF_FS419AQgssl0jSvkHMsH86TkNAZpBS1LXkVdd6sIYWEotnssw1W77ZjRfPD5KOEKAIIOtXMLRpHRt9I_Pbz59J-YzcsJdfNgh0y9OXm8e07tYNS5ByklZxK2cEe/s1600/humbled_polar_bear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfpv3elhngazf91LsF_FS419AQgssl0jSvkHMsH86TkNAZpBS1LXkVdd6sIYWEotnssw1W77ZjRfPD5KOEKAIIOtXMLRpHRt9I_Pbz59J-YzcsJdfNgh0y9OXm8e07tYNS5ByklZxK2cEe/s320/humbled_polar_bear.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">I feel humbled, hollowed out, and like I'm being broken like a wild stallion. Every time I want to get up and run away, or look aside or cover my eyes, I'm brought right back around told to be still. And in the process, I am reminded over and over and over again why I need Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Surrendering one's will to God is an every moment of the day act. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And it can't be done perfectly. (hmmff) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And it can't be done on my terms. (grrr)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And I can not just rush through the process (argh)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And it does not mean that those old traits just magically disappear (sigh...).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> And I think the hardest one of all for me to truly and fully accept is that He absolutely loves me and there is not one darned thing I can do to either earn that Love.......or lose it. (tears.......)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God promised to create in me a new spirit and a new heart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: blue;">I will give you a new heart and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. <a href="http://www.mychurch.org/bible/RSV/ezekiel/36/#26">Ezekiel 36:26</a> </i></span><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It appears He's most definitely in the process of doing just that.</span><br />
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Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-11966541742248846232011-01-05T17:55:00.004-06:002011-02-11T16:33:46.145-06:00The Dark Side - Beyond Good and Evil<span style="font-size: large;">One of the things that has amazed me more than anything else since my conversion is the fact that hell and sin are no longer "sticky issues" for me. To me, they are now a given and I have no problem accepting the Truth of them. However, knowing this Truth and living it day to day is an entirely different matter.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've been wanting to write for awhile now about this because a huge part of my previous spiritual beliefs denied the existence of evil. I called it darkness and I believed I was to embrace this darkness because I believed that light and dark were just two sides of the same coin and were meant to be integrated to become whole.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Holding this new Truth has been challenging, not only because of the experiences I had as a child but because of how it so directly opposes what I believed before. I would like to write more about this very soon but for now, I want to share an article that I read today.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's by a gal named Marcia Montenegro who speaks </span><span style="font-size: large;">about the many various philosophies about evil/darkness as they are expressed in the world, through movies, through other religions, through individual descriptions and then compares them to how evil is described in scripture.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">Her testimony can be found <a href="http://christiananswersforthenewage.org/AboutCANA_SpiritualJourney.html">here</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The article itself can be read <a href="http://christiananswersforthenewage.org/Articles_DarkSide1.html">here</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I hope that you do not let "problems of the mind", including the idea of sin/evil, prevent you from being open to reading this article. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://christiananswersforthenewage.org/Articles_DarkSide1.html">The Dark Side - Beyond Good and Evil</a></span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-55466413542072378902011-01-03T21:03:00.006-06:002011-01-04T17:00:26.668-06:00Where is the Church?<span style="font-size: large;">Since the day this all began almost 2 months ago, one thing that was forefront in my thoughts was "oh wow, I cannot wait to share what has happened to me!" And the one place I sought first was with other Christians. I mean, they would understand more than any other what a fantastic thing this is that has happened in me, right? In that initial moment, there were only 4 Christians I knew of to share it with; Jerry, my mom, my stepson, and my neighbor. And all of them definitely got a full accounting of the "cup that overflowed" in me during those first couple of weeks. (thank you!!!) In addition, my neighbor introduced me to another gal who I have had a few occasions to meet with and that dear person also gave me the gift of her time and fellowship.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Since then, as the full intensity of my conversion has settled a bit, I have been looking for a church where I could find more ongoing fellowship. But as on fire as I have been about finding this fellowship, I have found that I am not too eager to "jump back in that boat", partly because of my past experiences, but also because aside from that, I have always felt there has been something lacking in the church structure in general. Namely, the fact that there is a structure in the first place. I can remember times in the past where I have arrived for a church service, and before the "official start" of service, there would be music and sometimes, the spontaneous moving of the Holy Spirit would occur while the music was playing. You could very palatably feel of the presence of God. I'm sure many know what I am talking about. But then, because there was a "service" to conduct, the music had to end and the sacred moment cut short for the sake of the "schedule." This is but just one example of what I have felt is an overall shutting down of the natural movement of the Holy Spirit in favor of man's preferences.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I mentioned before, we went to a Christmas Eve service at the church we first attended after moving here. At first, I was a bit startled with how "organic" it all was. Meaning, the members of the church itself were the one's conducting the service through music performed by the youth and adults who took turns giving scripture readings of the Christmas story. And mostly from the pastor himself who, if you did not know he was the pastor, one would think he was just another member of the congregation! He simply led the musical pieces that we all sang, contributing himself by playing his guitar as well as giving the main message of the evening.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There were no flashy decorations or lights or sound system with dramatic displays to enthrall the congregation. The pastor was not demonstratively animated while he gave his message nor did he exalt himself in any "pious" sort of way. Without these distractions, the members were then free to focus in on the REAL reason for the gathering and that was Jesus. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Unfortunately, I did not appreciate this in it's entirety at the time. But after leaving that service, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I thought of the new friend my neighbor had introduced me to and the little bit of experience I have had with her so far as well as the gathering I attended with her and other Christians just before Christmas. I thought of the people who rode in the van with us to that gathering. These were REAL PEOPLE. Real Christians with a true love for Jesus as their focus. People who live their faith every single day, WITH one another. Not just on Sunday. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So with these things percolating inside of me, today I received an email link to a youtube video describing something called a "Simple Church" or "House Church." And after I watched, I was reduced to tears because THIS.... THIS is what I've always felt church SHOULD BE. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Rather than describe it, I am including the video for you to see for yourself. I am also including the first of 6 more indepth series of videos that show biblically how this is what church was intended to be. You can see the remaining 5 in order once you go to the first on Youtube.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://2.gvt0.com/vi/hvJR_SIiPl4/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hvJR_SIiPl4&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hvJR_SIiPl4&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/F-Dz7B75Z58?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-87309255484233931122010-12-30T23:33:00.031-06:002012-02-02T18:20:13.358-06:00The unceasing call of Love - Part IV<span style="font-size: large;"><b>:::: See Parts 1, 2 and 3 of this series of posts to "get the whole story" :::::::</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I hope everyone had a great Christmas filled with family and egg nog! I took some time off from finishing this series of posts to focus on Christmas and family. But I'm finding I want to have it completed before the new year so here is the 4th and final installment.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A side note that I would like to make first. At the invitation of our awesome neighbors, on Christmas Eve Jerry, the girls and I attended a candelight service at the church that we started out at when we first moved here; the one with the pastor who patiently listened to me while I vented my anger. It was amazing how people remembered us (well, mostly Jerry and the girls since I did not attend but maybe 2 or 3 times) and were genuinely happy to see us! And in talking with them, we discovered that Jerry and the girls had attended church FAR longer than I had remembered! I thought it had only been for about 2-3 years after we moved here (until around 2001). Turns out, they had attended up through 2006! About the time that Emily was too old for Sunday School but still too squirmy to sit through the main service. I want to publicly thank Jerry profusely for continuing to provide for the girls in this way, even when he had NO support from me to help him do so. I will forever be grateful to you for this, my sweetie. I love you.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbhi2mzvuw_r5KxNlnXosDK8Rb-J_n8Lcbw0W0dA6LcanY93dWgSuH2fKTyMIJ7dljU4zirpZZLjayJ03Ifrn62gzrPT5ZSfjdEV0_k4Ubo6sxJ6He-ehsyRtAvvvNRRVihpWUOt5tXlIY/s1600/lobster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbhi2mzvuw_r5KxNlnXosDK8Rb-J_n8Lcbw0W0dA6LcanY93dWgSuH2fKTyMIJ7dljU4zirpZZLjayJ03Ifrn62gzrPT5ZSfjdEV0_k4Ubo6sxJ6He-ehsyRtAvvvNRRVihpWUOt5tXlIY/s200/lobster.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You're my lobster </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ok, on to the conclusion of my journey up til now. In the years following our move out of the city, I began delving deeply into all things spiritual, EXCEPT Christianity. I read book after book after book on subjects such as near death experiences, native american spirituality, out of body experiences,</span><span style="font-size: large;"> eastern philosophy, chakras. I also</span><span style="font-size: large;"> read and listened to channelings from beings who said they were from other star systems or beings who were here to help humanity. While looking online, I saw there were others that were searching just like I was. I joined message boards and began conversing with people who felt as I did; that there HAD to be a better way to connect with God. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In 2001 I found an organization that became what I called my spiritual family. I believed that these were souls I had journeyed with over eons of time in other lifetimes. I spent the better part of this last 10 years with them, going to workshops, conferences, making personal friendships and helping out with the organization. At the center of this group was a man who channeled a specific entity who said that we had worked with him before in previous lifetimes and that we were back together now to help with Earth's ascension. We would have monthly meetings (using the internet, they would have a live feed of him channeling this entity for the rest of us around the world to participate in). Sometimes I would even go and participate live at these gatherings. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the beginning, I tried to get Jerry to join in with me, telling him that there was so much more to God than his limited bible could tell him. I explained concept after concept and could not understand why/how he could not see what I saw. After awhile, I let it go thinking that he was just too "asleep" to understand. So spiritually, I went my way, and he went his. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBBHBqMUbdkAXW-qkbXy6QwOBqs_H4rjvE60zhIQeUaURxj5fncBLqLKUMHYzPQ59vVAF4oV2e8EaHDbERVWjefwXUgrLQny7iQ39CnZRCi3L8cdPbSosx9y4Y47SNxt0UYprbaRovDmXt/s1600/stock-photo-separate-ways-6158113.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBBHBqMUbdkAXW-qkbXy6QwOBqs_H4rjvE60zhIQeUaURxj5fncBLqLKUMHYzPQ59vVAF4oV2e8EaHDbERVWjefwXUgrLQny7iQ39CnZRCi3L8cdPbSosx9y4Y47SNxt0UYprbaRovDmXt/s200/stock-photo-separate-ways-6158113.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There are so many other things I could write about from this 10 year period of time, the things I experienced, the people I met, the way I viewed my role as a mother, how I viewed marriage/relationships but I find that I just cannot bring myself to put it all down in writing. I'm not sure I could even do it justice anyway because I am SO not that person anymore. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCUYtt0MU6iUWtvsKH9GSnaBE6rCJqVYnLqZ3MWjQH9zTWkZRhQSavRvoOBTI7JeP5Bl17kTtCVfBRvVlwPAJexKuEe-PRQgRu9NLnlOOgmFWR1LJpwpvWg1r0Lz04pcxDS4_BQ_lPTUN/s1600/restless-square.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCUYtt0MU6iUWtvsKH9GSnaBE6rCJqVYnLqZ3MWjQH9zTWkZRhQSavRvoOBTI7JeP5Bl17kTtCVfBRvVlwPAJexKuEe-PRQgRu9NLnlOOgmFWR1LJpwpvWg1r0Lz04pcxDS4_BQ_lPTUN/s200/restless-square.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">What I will say is about 2 years ago, a subtle unsettledness was beginning to nag at me inside regarding the group I was associating with. And it grew and grew over time. I ignored it for the most part, but it just wouldn't go away. I was beginning to notice incongruence's between what they taught and how they lived. I tried a few times to leave but I always found myself drawn back in. I had become very close friends with a girl who, over time, had moved through the ranks to become a prominent part of the "inner circle" of the organization. I didn't want to lose my friendship with her. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Things came to a head in the summer of 2009. The organization had just finished a very intense and powerful conference. It was a culmination of all that we had done for the past 10 years so emotions were running high. This friend had invited me to come out to her home a couple of weeks after this event just to chill together and discuss all that had occurred. </span><span style="font-size: large;">There was also going to be opportunities to spend some down time with the main people of the organization since they all lived in the same area.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> Since we rarely saw each other outside of organized events this was a very welcoming invitation. So I flew out to spend a week with them.</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"></div><span style="font-size: large;">And it was as if the scales had been completely lifted from my eyes.</span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqsSDaem3JpYsPabRXD2oBhJo97KsT-QnI5aqr4HS7PF5RUyINOQR1JDJRAGdhGOxKpsqLgWwqCw_wWHlxE7Td_ZOZrZPGQcVKlJYZ3uds34QKHF4IfxGwNIJg8GUXqywTHPEV4AXUE3f-/s1600/shocked-woman_%257EAA039975.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqsSDaem3JpYsPabRXD2oBhJo97KsT-QnI5aqr4HS7PF5RUyINOQR1JDJRAGdhGOxKpsqLgWwqCw_wWHlxE7Td_ZOZrZPGQcVKlJYZ3uds34QKHF4IfxGwNIJg8GUXqywTHPEV4AXUE3f-/s200/shocked-woman_%257EAA039975.jpg" width="188" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>OMG</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: large;">During the entire time I was there, I saw things I had never seen before. I saw the utter dysfunction between the people in the "inner circle." I saw the hypocrisy of what they said vs what they did. I saw how confused and misled my friend was. I saw so many things that absolutely left me in shock by the time I left. I didn't understand any of this at the time. I just knew something had absolutely changed and I didn't know what. I cannot over-emphasize how much this affected me.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCkKk6kzMuuJ57m27yAjoAwq91Vuvgm8tLSaVS_VxK7tnN3qoqfD7q2dT46Q_qq8dF4DCQY8Dicfpz1mZhqoRgbwwU9jAg55OlLyURzkb4JGQJWThMORjssQo4AiDzuH4RHnnbwehtz1t/s1600/confused+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCkKk6kzMuuJ57m27yAjoAwq91Vuvgm8tLSaVS_VxK7tnN3qoqfD7q2dT46Q_qq8dF4DCQY8Dicfpz1mZhqoRgbwwU9jAg55OlLyURzkb4JGQJWThMORjssQo4AiDzuH4RHnnbwehtz1t/s320/confused+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">I came home wondering what was wrong with ME. Why I didn't feel like I belonged anymore. Why did I feel like they couldn't "see me." Why did I feel so distant from them? I tried emailing with my friend after I got home to tell her how I felt. She encouraged me to keep writing because she felt that it was about "me not valuing myself enough and not allowing my own power and magnificence to shine through." Well, I kept writing, but as I did, there was a growing sense of conviction that it was not ME that was off, but them. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2RSlM5ut5UvSyUwmnDATlF1gyHO94Kls-APUBt0lXKD12nHETrm-DlEQokPFt_MnrVudrGX-z0uEnjDTTQUG84QrcW0hjDMoSmMEnucFKvtxyTiVrGrs2sWmS3p1NUc-uujKSwFtH87_j/s1600/90301810.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2RSlM5ut5UvSyUwmnDATlF1gyHO94Kls-APUBt0lXKD12nHETrm-DlEQokPFt_MnrVudrGX-z0uEnjDTTQUG84QrcW0hjDMoSmMEnucFKvtxyTiVrGrs2sWmS3p1NUc-uujKSwFtH87_j/s320/90301810.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Things culminated at the end of Aug. 2009 when I did something that I still cannot believe I did to this day. It may seem like an inconsequential thing, but with this group, it was HUUUGGEEE. At the time that all of this other stuff was going on, there was a massive thread that had been started on the message board that we all posted on. It began in July and ran nonstop night and day for over a month. I don't know why. It was just one of those rare things that sometimes happen on a message board. People who never got along before were all posting and everyone was accepting of everyone else and we were all sharing our deepest secrets as well as being as silly as we could be. And when I say non-stop, I do mean non-stop. When one side of the world was asleep, the other side would post all night long, and vice versa. </span><span style="font-size: large;"> It was more of a chat room than a message board because of the constant live interaction going on. </span><span style="font-size: large;"> I believe we were well into the thousands with the page count. It really was quite amazing. Towards the end though, it turned very nasty. A few people came on and decided to "sling mud" in every direction at the participants. People began fighting and arguing with one another. Some left by deleting their accounts all together. It was ugly.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgif7mXV_CN2SGn_j9baRq_MO0KAQciPLbOa02T_aoqrovsALUYqK51Oq793pbNpgFhPT1lY3XdEIoC3h3L1bY-p9y3591AAuP7E2HmfabK_fesZdSWRTTgOx0h4tLAtzIiH8tMnmG4ThXm/s1600/gasp1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgif7mXV_CN2SGn_j9baRq_MO0KAQciPLbOa02T_aoqrovsALUYqK51Oq793pbNpgFhPT1lY3XdEIoC3h3L1bY-p9y3591AAuP7E2HmfabK_fesZdSWRTTgOx0h4tLAtzIiH8tMnmG4ThXm/s200/gasp1.gif" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">GASP</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: large;">Well, I had moderator status of that message board (although I was no longer an acting moderator). And about 2 weeks after returning from this trip with my friend, I woke up one morning and with a calm and conviction I cannot explain to this day, I went in and deleted that entire thread.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLai7Lr_akz_oXagfnCzJGFOG42OfO_-vJiiTQrbN5mMO9s1qNCS1kNzPKFmTgI1e9r8R8rFKt-WT5YmVXd6_qO7cHLh1TEpPOQrmEsJmfNoKRzATJ9MR0wZhEnTdgUzWRdi3GdpdJmar6/s1600/angry-crowd-an.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLai7Lr_akz_oXagfnCzJGFOG42OfO_-vJiiTQrbN5mMO9s1qNCS1kNzPKFmTgI1e9r8R8rFKt-WT5YmVXd6_qO7cHLh1TEpPOQrmEsJmfNoKRzATJ9MR0wZhEnTdgUzWRdi3GdpdJmar6/s320/angry-crowd-an.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">You can imagine the kind of response that ensued. If I had tried to get out before, I had totally succeeded this time. I was banned from the board and many of my friends, including the one I was closest to, had decided I had gone crazy and told me to stay far away. One person had even suggested that I was having a spiritual crisis. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSs87FUUlJmS1oGNUHq4eUF8nIaEJ3SYA-UsvrvV4JowBNx5I6UZK0e095XnWRRrXJuCws-mqDZQwphseHgrwzPTFPf569KG0lHNmws6PmfX6rleMVV2vCOq1WtX6CACbLWMIpQ-VZWCND/s1600/ouch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSs87FUUlJmS1oGNUHq4eUF8nIaEJ3SYA-UsvrvV4JowBNx5I6UZK0e095XnWRRrXJuCws-mqDZQwphseHgrwzPTFPf569KG0lHNmws6PmfX6rleMVV2vCOq1WtX6CACbLWMIpQ-VZWCND/s200/ouch.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">And in retrospect, I now realize that a spiritual crisis is what it was. God had been prompting me for some time to leave that group and I didn't listen. While I was at my friends house, He most decidedly "lifted the veil from my eyes" so that I would see what was really going on. It sucked though. I'm sorry but it really did. It hurt like heck. And I have no doubt that the prompting to delete that thread was not only so that I would HAVE to leave that group but so that I could also see the truth about the friends I thought I had there. </span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For the next year I spent my time in a sort of spiritual void. I had decided that my relationship with God, whatever that was, was going to be a solo journey. I still checked out the main lightworker information sites but did not participate directly with any one group. And yet, through ALL of this, I still felt what I can only describe as an irresistible "calling." </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoVkr6vhaO-DtoAfg4sz-6-9sZCmjCpnnCLvG2tjxCBdR9D_1uPv5YiZf_F6u5FEFbY-BebWG6hbGZfgDSJ6Q159XaV4oi85EPww06tan3f3FK5bMhbQw5fB4fgfKmI0VFTtuhCcmt5Q88/s1600/l_9cda4eee3e764bacdfed438c618fb3d4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoVkr6vhaO-DtoAfg4sz-6-9sZCmjCpnnCLvG2tjxCBdR9D_1uPv5YiZf_F6u5FEFbY-BebWG6hbGZfgDSJ6Q159XaV4oi85EPww06tan3f3FK5bMhbQw5fB4fgfKmI0VFTtuhCcmt5Q88/s320/l_9cda4eee3e764bacdfed438c618fb3d4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">The truth is, I have felt this calling all of my life. And in a myriad of different ways, I have tried to answer. Albeit, always on MY terms. I thought I had to "do" the searching for answers myself. In my own power. I thought my own mind was powerful and wise enough to uncover the secrets to life and master my own destiny and that my own heart was big enough to encompass the love and compassion needed to change myself and the world. Yet, in this last year in particular, I was shown in many different ways how utterly untrue this was. Through several different experiences with my boss, with my husband, with being a musician playing the flute, through an illness of one pet and the death of another, rather than feeling like god, I was instead, incredibly humbled. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbsFm7FJevzoIOjYI1-D3uq8bXrDeESHKp407CEaLitu_-_kW2V7c-7hQmB_8g4OQ5n1EeRWbvKtQgB7FkB0S2rSvpNu6C0MvQYIeWgszFjpyous_F6zLZ8vWEWo48IYjyI1mEKiVIFuyO/s1600/cross.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbsFm7FJevzoIOjYI1-D3uq8bXrDeESHKp407CEaLitu_-_kW2V7c-7hQmB_8g4OQ5n1EeRWbvKtQgB7FkB0S2rSvpNu6C0MvQYIeWgszFjpyous_F6zLZ8vWEWo48IYjyI1mEKiVIFuyO/s320/cross.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">So when <a href="http://awalkintheheart.blogspot.com/2010/12/day-it-all-began.html">November 11th, 2010</a> rolled around, I was very ripe for the surrender that was necessary for God to reveal Himself. His unceasing call of Love never waned. It was my own resistance to surrender to it that kept Him from me. It was only when I realized that I could not, on my own power, reach Him that I realized why Jesus is so incredibly important. It is in our nature to resist this surrender and try to do things on our own. To believe that we are the creaTOR rather than the creaTED (and that is not just limited to new age thinking). It was this wall of resistance that Jesus came to remove so that THROUGH Him we could be reunited with God. God already has it all figured out! All He asks is that we surrender our will to His and He will guide us with His own personal plan for us. It is not for us to "fix" this world or to even "fix" ourselves. All we have ever had to do is to desire to Love Him with all our heart and all our soul and through that communion, He, in His perfect wisdom will complete it through us. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_t_EttnX5a3I7UeVayQAOQsaP8ul3HMpG7S2pYELPmVS2PfeRlrhZQGGd_0yQHgcjV3XuAf7zUBgM8mse4hB9wFtI-TuJEhmmP5X0bSJEnmVdZgiVVSEdBB2yOIssZkmHtVYt37lc1UU2/s1600/lavender-valentines-smiley-hugging-love-heart-long-sleeve-shirts_design.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_t_EttnX5a3I7UeVayQAOQsaP8ul3HMpG7S2pYELPmVS2PfeRlrhZQGGd_0yQHgcjV3XuAf7zUBgM8mse4hB9wFtI-TuJEhmmP5X0bSJEnmVdZgiVVSEdBB2yOIssZkmHtVYt37lc1UU2/s200/lavender-valentines-smiley-hugging-love-heart-long-sleeve-shirts_design.png" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">And so this brings me full circle to that moment so many years ago when in the simplicity of my childhood desire to Love, I loved my "imaginary friend" in the form of my "puff the magic dragon tree." </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;">But now, after all this time, after all these years, I have found that “imaginary friend.” And He’s not imaginary. HE’S REAL. And He will never betray me, and He will never ignore me, and He will never manipulate me, nor lie to me nor tell me I am loving Him too much. I am free to love and love and love and love and love and love and love to my heart’s content and He will never tell me to stop. He's there, giving my heart a hug every single day and loving me back in a way I have never, ever known.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;">That’s the bottom line of what life is all about. Loving God. And knowing now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He truly resides within me, </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;">there are no words on this Earth to express what that means to me.</span> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"> This communion; it really is the bottom line. What He does with that through me are the miracles, the glorious expressions of that communion for the world to witness. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;">And I now get to do this for the rest of my life, even for eternity.<br />
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To me, that IS Heaven.</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"> </span></span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-86696370366584507522010-12-25T11:01:00.006-06:002010-12-25T11:17:06.239-06:00Merry Christmas<span style="font-size: large;">I wish everyone a Merry Christmas filled with Love and Joy and Peace. I'm including a gift from my Father that He wanted me to share with you all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Blessings,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Jodie</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">(EDIT: For some reason I cannot embed. Click on this link to get to video):</span><br />
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<div style="color: red;"><a href="http://www.fathersloveletter.com/fllpreviewlarge.html"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>http://www.fathersloveletter.com/fllpreviewlarge.html</b></span></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">I also found this cute and current rendition of the Birth of Jesus. It shows the main characters as if they were conversing on Facebook. Love it!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><b> </b></span><br />
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<object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sghwe4TYY18?fs=1&hl=en_US" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sghwe4TYY18?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-61921530647553524952010-12-23T21:05:00.011-06:002011-04-13T09:05:08.133-05:00Seek and Ye Shall Find<span style="font-size: large;">I'm posting a series of videos of a man named Nick Vujicic who speaks a better testimony that I probably ever could. In speaking with a dear sweet friend today, I realized that I am utterly unprepared with words to speak of God's magnificence and Love. Nick does it in spades. The message he speaks (not just with his words) is one I desire so much to do as well. And that is, for my life to demonstrate and reveal to others who God really is. To demonstrate He is REAL. My words are not enough. Reciting scripture, although they are wonderful seeds to plant, is not enough. In Nick's words, "I want to be a living testimony of God's power, God's grace and God's Love." A life lived for God, through Jesus, speaks louder than words ever can. This gift He offers is not just for me, or for Nick, but is for everyone who seeks with their whole heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I received a bracelet from a new friend God brought into my life recently and it is inscribed with this message which I feel is the core of what I've been doing all of my life:</span><br />
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</span><br />
<div style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">"You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart" Jeremiah 29:13</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There's another verse I love and in my newness I'm not sure where it's found in the bible (will edit once I find it). </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">EDIT: Found it: It's Matthew 6:33.</span> </span><span style="font-size: large;">I like it because it describes how my primary focus was on finding God and establishing the relationship. The intellectual questions I had about who He was and why were secondary. However, after finding Him, all of these questions were answered. </span><br />
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<div style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."</span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I pray that you never stop seeking until you KNOW, with utter conviction, no matter what, that you have found. </span><br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGZYT50Bow4"><br />
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</div><object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oGZYT50Bow4?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oGZYT50Bow4?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object><br />
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<object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Tw8qRicoXt8?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Tw8qRicoXt8?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object><br />
<object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uGZnsbNckLU?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uGZnsbNckLU?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object><br />
<object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NpWuPTSw9n8?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NpWuPTSw9n8?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-9440271684866700172010-12-20T23:44:00.009-06:002010-12-21T08:46:36.207-06:00When God Became a Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiySu-kdnv7v2mf9qOk07PtaxhjoiVjljjKg7XHDFfTX2v8PdwYAIfZAtsN8nm6CDycfUgJCgJWV2fYLSc05ScBh7kn56Rda4w9Q_jS4AYvqVfQNiy291Oy0BXrvYGeQ2Ij8hyphenhyphenNJPjNYaN/s1600/creation-of-adam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiySu-kdnv7v2mf9qOk07PtaxhjoiVjljjKg7XHDFfTX2v8PdwYAIfZAtsN8nm6CDycfUgJCgJWV2fYLSc05ScBh7kn56Rda4w9Q_jS4AYvqVfQNiy291Oy0BXrvYGeQ2Ij8hyphenhyphenNJPjNYaN/s320/creation-of-adam.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="TitleInformation" style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-size: large;">I'm having one of those days when I so want to express but I don't know how.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="TitleInformation"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">I found this wonderful article today that I would like to share an excerpt from that help a little. It talks about God becoming a man and what that means. Then I'm going to ramble a bit and let it all come out. :)</span></span><br />
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</div><div class="TitleInformation"></div><div class="TitleInformation"><div class="TitleInformation"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="Title" style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;">When God Became a Man</span></div><div class="Author"><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;">Greg Laurie</span></div><div style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/a-new-beginning/read/articles/when-god-became-a-man-10699.html">When God Became a Man... article cont'd</a> </span></div></div></div> <span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<div class="Content RichText"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE3FGgZFZvESBRzuD-1pCDUM4Yp5T1yhf315bdzzhEVRlk16bv2EbBeiyYaoV6uKjkex5vLTby2yPY_i6mQZaFcoo2PhcFX8wKv44Mw95Ygt2WDzi1kUo6aEPGvsXbKrpD4DDXzEw0ZFas/s1600/jesus_birth_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE3FGgZFZvESBRzuD-1pCDUM4Yp5T1yhf315bdzzhEVRlk16bv2EbBeiyYaoV6uKjkex5vLTby2yPY_i6mQZaFcoo2PhcFX8wKv44Mw95Ygt2WDzi1kUo6aEPGvsXbKrpD4DDXzEw0ZFas/s200/jesus_birth_1.jpg" width="142" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;">"It has been rightly said that the history of the world hinges on a stable door in Bethlehem. The birth of Jesus in a little stable in Bethlehem forever changed the history of the world. Jesus was God with skin on, walking among us and showing us what God is like. He was not a man who became God, which is impossible, but God who became a man.</span><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghIZZU069Jyy_r1A6q6pby-8dFSPpI28yJCugIVrTol031uPORCXqzJ7OIWWR57yWS-C1wuabne1S3S2_3wxODvKgoYgxBgmWZVPxt_1GG2d5UJRaq3j_AdntkgDtgU_FOVyxVPKeffinL/s1600/GodWithSkinOnCover+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghIZZU069Jyy_r1A6q6pby-8dFSPpI28yJCugIVrTol031uPORCXqzJ7OIWWR57yWS-C1wuabne1S3S2_3wxODvKgoYgxBgmWZVPxt_1GG2d5UJRaq3j_AdntkgDtgU_FOVyxVPKeffinL/s200/GodWithSkinOnCover+copy.jpg" width="125" /></a></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-size: large;">I LOVE how he says "Jesus was God with skin on!" When I think about that; how God HIMSELF came into this world and took on a human body so that He could show us the way out, it just humbles me to no end. He came as Jesus, to show us what God is like, NOT to show us how to "be like God." Jesus was not a man who became God, He was God who became a man. </span></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1iXXV9CjIAQw-kwybNHneLQ0oCCX6iLGyx9Dt2h3CfbpOboZ2h9cZBFDQJMmwgR9n8-ZZHtClVQUDTlbVNsV0-EP4yi4u-iVYCn34I8lipHfNmvYUfsaB1Of0ospARjBdPqt8y6ElkoPf/s1600/goddesktop_10x7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1iXXV9CjIAQw-kwybNHneLQ0oCCX6iLGyx9Dt2h3CfbpOboZ2h9cZBFDQJMmwgR9n8-ZZHtClVQUDTlbVNsV0-EP4yi4u-iVYCn34I8lipHfNmvYUfsaB1Of0ospARjBdPqt8y6ElkoPf/s200/goddesktop_10x7.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-size: large;">It's amazing to me how I used to think of it the other way around, that I, myself was "God in a bod." </span><span style="font-size: large;">So many of the things I used to believe had, at their core, the concept that I was on an even level with the Creator of the Universe! That I WAS that Creator. Which, in the long run, really diminishes God all together, if you really think about it. Because I don't care who you are, no one can never think of themselves well enough to even come close to matching their highest image of God. So my "highest thought" of "who I was" absolutely paled in comparison to Who God Really Is. (argg..words!). </span></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXIV4umewT_huRzWyu6dXzFs2fayQutBl9rxGR7Pd7wj0VKGBhmBBxrxeO2gbXSq078FUTfuDILMV8s3kGplJ5roIadmnOmBsRsaXiPeUuV3o7prXE9wb8vNDuAVElDMtTsHR5Wirc0n9Q/s1600/godoneofus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXIV4umewT_huRzWyu6dXzFs2fayQutBl9rxGR7Pd7wj0VKGBhmBBxrxeO2gbXSq078FUTfuDILMV8s3kGplJ5roIadmnOmBsRsaXiPeUuV3o7prXE9wb8vNDuAVElDMtTsHR5Wirc0n9Q/s320/godoneofus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-size: large;">Think about it: Even on one's BEST day, when life is flowing and everything is effortless and you feel peaceful and joyful and God-like, it is still so lacking. You will still get tired by the end of the day, or painfully stub your toe, or an angry person will shove you sideways if you are in their way. That's being God? Seriously? God is only as grand as that? Like the singer (forget who) says, "What if God were one of us? Just a slob like one of us?" </span></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-size: large;">WHY would ANYONE want to reduce God to something as mundane as that? How could anyone feel COMFORTABLE with that and how, pray tell, would one ever have any hope that life could ever get better if God was no better than us? </span><span style="font-size: large;">Why would they want to reduce God to their level? So they can feel better about themselves? </span><span style="font-size: large;">What would there to look forward to? Will God (ie: themselves) somehow magically improve themselves beyond just "experiencing all" and begin creating grander things? Well, if they are God, why wouldn't they create those things right now! What's stopping them?</span></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1SdeNvKeUNV8Sa0d40frz4cFxx3fKb5_NQznQT2XemKGU2ucSaFDqJLa3L7eVgLxaGDy_8nX5xU2Isj4GJrN46bEu0917NlSHKbGP2baR-1F4o55w9uBjXmJW2gEvYx-CdTw6lJEpk2zZ/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1SdeNvKeUNV8Sa0d40frz4cFxx3fKb5_NQznQT2XemKGU2ucSaFDqJLa3L7eVgLxaGDy_8nX5xU2Isj4GJrN46bEu0917NlSHKbGP2baR-1F4o55w9uBjXmJW2gEvYx-CdTw6lJEpk2zZ/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUmiJK85BvqI6vzTqa3NiIL9eHI-WxeqxBECOkb1DQb5hLGwnoAIGajZo7eWKQtS18LbrWoyvXNt7FVaoMQpPj-dDeopv17VkHSSS58oNJ_zG1tgZAWb_LYNjqAXj9wNCwGv5hIfOGwWXp/s1600/jesus-in-heaven.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUmiJK85BvqI6vzTqa3NiIL9eHI-WxeqxBECOkb1DQb5hLGwnoAIGajZo7eWKQtS18LbrWoyvXNt7FVaoMQpPj-dDeopv17VkHSSS58oNJ_zG1tgZAWb_LYNjqAXj9wNCwGv5hIfOGwWXp/s320/jesus-in-heaven.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">Why is it so hard for people to believe that God could be much grander and greater than they can ever even imagine? Why are people so afraid to ACCEPT a God that glorious, instead, reducing Him to just their limited highest thought they have about themselves? What if, God really IS that grand? Imagine it....all of the things you've heard or imagined in your life about a God who is Almighty, All Powerful, gloriously Loving, so huge and so absolutely awe inspiring that you become utterly speechless in His presence. Think of the movies or pictures you've seen that depict this where people fall on their knees in amazement and wonder. Imagine yourself before this God. Would you feel equal to Him? Would you feel worthy to be standing there? How would you feel in your gut? Close your eyes and seriously think about that. There's a reason that instinctively and intrinsically you would not feel like you had a right to be there. No matter how much you may deny you would feel that way, in your heart of hearts, you know that you would. Could this be why people make God in their image instead?</span></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEwbeeNUMazk7D-FVXUrBsUzQ_Xr8OHdmu2E3yDA0pdgEE_At83jZP4WS8MSA3o-P6ilHmfuyf1PLAat5vZdhbF8zrxf61IsVLkp8NUpLp2_Tg19QnLSacHK4bAzA9_OQVv3dqlxDR9hmm/s1600/Knocking-on-the-Heaven-s-door--58801.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEwbeeNUMazk7D-FVXUrBsUzQ_Xr8OHdmu2E3yDA0pdgEE_At83jZP4WS8MSA3o-P6ilHmfuyf1PLAat5vZdhbF8zrxf61IsVLkp8NUpLp2_Tg19QnLSacHK4bAzA9_OQVv3dqlxDR9hmm/s400/Knocking-on-the-Heaven-s-door--58801.jpg" width="261" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Now, what if that same God, still wanted you to BE with Him, so much, that He would lower Himself into human form to FIND you. That He would SACRIFICE a part of Himself on your behalf and create a doorway just so that you could be together, because He loved you that much. And then, once you walk through that doorway, He would send another part of Himself to dwell within you to TEACH you how to get closer to Him so that you could truly know that "you are never alone." How could you not accept a gift like that?</span></div><div style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUazwBjUtkbGh9KWHS3tLL-3Tc49MqzWnANS7PgHrpAjclRacrJO9eIQ6_UdKZW1Nv0sdmaEVjKAgO8c-CJ_eil6-Y00F2obU9q7TpUC5TT8DBqVFVlttc8uzzdXznCCXVTgFDFgmdWMd/s1600/1306%252BSanctified-744752.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUazwBjUtkbGh9KWHS3tLL-3Tc49MqzWnANS7PgHrpAjclRacrJO9eIQ6_UdKZW1Nv0sdmaEVjKAgO8c-CJ_eil6-Y00F2obU9q7TpUC5TT8DBqVFVlttc8uzzdXznCCXVTgFDFgmdWMd/s320/1306%252BSanctified-744752.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">The irony for me is, </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">the journey I thought I was on before </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">to "connect with Divinity," "become</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"> Christ-like" "purify" etc... well, I still am!! </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">BUT: I'm doing so under the proper tutelage of the One that God sent to teach me. And my lesson book is the bible. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">A</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">ll this time, there was already a plan in place for this process. It's called Sanctification. And it requires a lot more than what most people are willing to do, beginning with humbling yourself in full surrender of your will to God's will and becoming as vulnerable as a newborn baby (hmmmm.......). </span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGljM23QUuGvlGwRirhZzsPA49a7470-V96dW1GWq8FmituloXvt49AxrVnm5bOXYwZATY_dl9xaeT8WMZQyZQ8s_pHyC0oC3gwamqOLEUt4YQAnJoEjWVruadn0Vc58RDx17lhO5eiDXK/s1600/walkingincircles.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGljM23QUuGvlGwRirhZzsPA49a7470-V96dW1GWq8FmituloXvt49AxrVnm5bOXYwZATY_dl9xaeT8WMZQyZQ8s_pHyC0oC3gwamqOLEUt4YQAnJoEjWVruadn0Vc58RDx17lhO5eiDXK/s200/walkingincircles.JPG" width="200" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">The only difference is, before, I was trying to figure this process out on all on my own, all alone, walking in circles. </span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTxvdAZzZN2-QnJg3FQZCRcPx0rtkffl31SfgZ2c-0wNfKM98gbUqz91vpLwBcBnL5REYDeR7hzFIRuEK0bfkonc2JCcgMPO5PPN4SMI54EsdRByep8_asMZylqy1UXPU_lmT_KQ1WkvEw/s1600/path.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTxvdAZzZN2-QnJg3FQZCRcPx0rtkffl31SfgZ2c-0wNfKM98gbUqz91vpLwBcBnL5REYDeR7hzFIRuEK0bfkonc2JCcgMPO5PPN4SMI54EsdRByep8_asMZylqy1UXPU_lmT_KQ1WkvEw/s200/path.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">Now, I walk the path laid out before me, brightly lit by Love and accompanied by a dear Friend.</span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">I sincerely pray that others discover the joy of accepting this gift from God.</span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;">Amen.</span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"> </span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"> </span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
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</span></div></div>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-38132646728144547212010-12-17T21:57:00.016-06:002012-02-02T18:05:38.650-06:00The unceasing call of Love - Part III<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZpIchQzAg61yA0TQnGc4qagN_d5U8z48-CMtH1Edkrof3mOpZG9Qwp36AB9u-LB3FyfWXO-db1pdVPLHoOGgyD_H85duvla6HrG5S3iYhyxjmyETdy4P01_ylyODZ9L1ivZAE9kzSqgvh/s1600/DSC04445.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZpIchQzAg61yA0TQnGc4qagN_d5U8z48-CMtH1Edkrof3mOpZG9Qwp36AB9u-LB3FyfWXO-db1pdVPLHoOGgyD_H85duvla6HrG5S3iYhyxjmyETdy4P01_ylyODZ9L1ivZAE9kzSqgvh/s320/DSC04445.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">As I type this today, I look out the window to see my youngest daughter, Emily (12), playing outside in the snow. She has created an imaginary world centered around our weeping willow tree in our front yard. She plays out there every day after school for at least an hour. I see her sitting on a branch, looking up at the tree and her mouth is moving. She then runs around it, plops herself in the snow and looks up to the sky, mouth still moving. I hope her weeping willow tree makes the clouds change shapes for her. :)</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaM_rbj_5-cfhjweWbPf3RBL7PwutKo-1VvdtzJhLN78rWOYxedYJ8L_fStCAaSFdoSgzUGqhvFcgCUMC3vqC5r22e7hsmQCv5aSwAFzLhVuWZ9mLOvuQVxwltwEJi2C8GDoCsojKhi4Zu/s1600/clueless.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaM_rbj_5-cfhjweWbPf3RBL7PwutKo-1VvdtzJhLN78rWOYxedYJ8L_fStCAaSFdoSgzUGqhvFcgCUMC3vqC5r22e7hsmQCv5aSwAFzLhVuWZ9mLOvuQVxwltwEJi2C8GDoCsojKhi4Zu/s1600/clueless.jpg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">At the time that this experience with the pastor occurred, I was 28 and he was 52. Regardless of the age gap, I was still an adult. Yet, because of the issues I was working through at the time, I had the mind and heart of a child. I have not yet been able to reconcile this in my mind. I should have known better. Yet, I honestly didn't have a CLUE. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">After I left that day, I drove home in kind of a numb silence. (which I had gotten very good at doing). I did not tell Jerry right away. I didn't know WHAT to say. I met with my therapist the following week and I did tell him. But very matter of factly. It did not hit me emotionally at all how so wrong it all was. My therapist, however, took action immediately. He made it very clear to me that I should tell Jerry and also that I was NOT to see the pastor alone again under any circumstances. He also filed what's called a "vulnerable adult" report with the state we live in. I remember, even then, feeling like this therapist, whom I had grown to trust, was just being paranoid and going overboard.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGRUFcsjkXI9-plpMxWyFcjZyRlzw3bCSF7iW2tENd1ZqOC5zcFPpjpDP9K-dPEZRIfHcLO9s5g4RZ5qLfjU6XCrAvWgHFvL_pywSjU5m7257CF-5yDtGz60XSdUsF52NHrr6pfYZqx6XU/s1600/manbetrayed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGRUFcsjkXI9-plpMxWyFcjZyRlzw3bCSF7iW2tENd1ZqOC5zcFPpjpDP9K-dPEZRIfHcLO9s5g4RZ5qLfjU6XCrAvWgHFvL_pywSjU5m7257CF-5yDtGz60XSdUsF52NHrr6pfYZqx6XU/s200/manbetrayed.jpg" width="170" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">That night I told Jerry. To say he was devastated was an understatement. It took him no time at all to feel the full force of the betrayal. A man he had trusted to care for his wife during times he could not be there himself, left him feeling very betrayed. What I didn't appreciate enough back then but I came to appreciate immensely over time is how not ONCE did he ever blame me or question my actions. ((((Jerry))))). We immediately stopped going to the church and Jerry sent a letter of resignation to the church board. When I wasn't showing up for our "meetings", pastor would call inquiring about me. Jerry would answer the phone and made it very clear to him that he was not to call our home ever again. The pastor was "surprised" by this and didn't understand why Jerry would say this, and even after Jerry confronted him, he acted as if it was all just a "huge misunderstanding."</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKEb8HS7aD-rTrf0ofYkc_StVwL9lpvaIKQL8YrZpzqFJAkNiY9zW-GvFQXAyPYiQC0LU0N_baR-iDtYU4u_4hwm3tMLFksWajyzobxkNW2gCQAvfxLHXIQMncvva-OkCkTLp-RNaMzZXY/s1600/sad_couple_small.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKEb8HS7aD-rTrf0ofYkc_StVwL9lpvaIKQL8YrZpzqFJAkNiY9zW-GvFQXAyPYiQC0LU0N_baR-iDtYU4u_4hwm3tMLFksWajyzobxkNW2gCQAvfxLHXIQMncvva-OkCkTLp-RNaMzZXY/s1600/sad_couple_small.gif" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">Our friends would call asking why we weren't there. We didn't feel it would be right to "plant the seed of secrecy" in them as we knew how that could spread and infect a church. Because we couldn't explain, one by one, our friends dropped away. I cannot tell you what a loss this was to lose such a large part of our life as this church was for us in such a short amount of time. And it is the reason that we never got to finish the last mural of Noah's Ark in the nursery. We left our paints, projector machine and all our other supplies there. We did find out later that some of the other church members got together and finished the Noah wall for us. (tears).......</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ironically, this did not cause me any kind of set back but I think it's because I blocked feeling the full truth of what had happened from myself for a long time. At this point, Jerry's son whom we had gotten custody of had gone back to live with his mom so there was no "reason" to find a new Nazarene church, or any church for that matter. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">About a year and a half later, I was contacted by a district "deacon" (not sure of the terminology) of the Nazarene church inquiring about my interactions with this pastor (he had seen the vulnerable adult report filed by my therapist). He stated that this pastor had not stayed at the church much longer after we had left due to "financial embezzlement suspicions" and had been reassigned to a church out east. He also left there under questionable circumstances and was now pastoring in a church in the south. There was a female member of that church who was filing charges against him for "inappropriate conduct" and he wanted me to give a deposition of my experiences so that he could help assist her in her case. He made it clear to me that although the "typical" way to handle things was to "shuffle a pastor along" to a new congregation, he was not going to let that happen in this case. But even after all the depositions, meeting with the church's lawyers etc. the whole thing just fizzled at some point and we never did know why. To this day, I have no idea where he is or if he is still pastoring. He would be 67 now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">By this time, I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter Emily and we were thick into getting things in place to move from the "big city" out into the country. We wanted a fresh start, away from the days of hospitals and the church and to raise our children in more of a "Mayberry" sort of place. We managed to accomplish this by Oct. 98, 1 1/2 months prior to Emily being born. (whew! That year of 98 is a whole nother story as well. :) )</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj03wTyPzc0AlzGIJyURf02H9BR4qPv8JYgJHvM8a5Tpqec5DJ8tKnwtsdD8iP2m0D3BalOR_GbEndhLFcLXw-dlsXOHZRDjac4ZSvj5nc01q6TL6p5WfgSHkVc-HwdlDJJtPOuql8tgCmr/s1600/angry-woman-thumb1616327.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj03wTyPzc0AlzGIJyURf02H9BR4qPv8JYgJHvM8a5Tpqec5DJ8tKnwtsdD8iP2m0D3BalOR_GbEndhLFcLXw-dlsXOHZRDjac4ZSvj5nc01q6TL6p5WfgSHkVc-HwdlDJJtPOuql8tgCmr/s200/angry-woman-thumb1616327.jpg" width="151" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;">Once we moved, Jerry felt led to find a new church. I, did not. I had come to the place where I was finally VERY (and I mean VERY) angry about what had happened. I openly declared that I wanted NOTHING to do with church, pastors or Christianity EVER again. Although Jerry shared my anger, he tried to convince me that it was best for the girls if we continue to provide them exposure to the Word through Sunday school etc. I told him he was more than welcome to find that for himself and the girls but that I would most decidedly not be joining him. So for the first 3 years or so after Emily was born, Jerry and the girls would go to church and I would stay home. Eventually, Jerry stopped going as well because a couple not united in God tends to fall away from God.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihhp9ia6qlvKZHwEL4HAUe9LfQB-IjJ33UcS2NsMyPDB-lLcAfSqHRk3hFpvXykjIjXBn07hbnZz1YWnzNdoMx-YM8NNWOWTQPlDv03Y84zpL5dtOZNum7Q93BlQFcC1P1kbhwKHJ0bYQJ/s1600/mad+angry+woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihhp9ia6qlvKZHwEL4HAUe9LfQB-IjJ33UcS2NsMyPDB-lLcAfSqHRk3hFpvXykjIjXBn07hbnZz1YWnzNdoMx-YM8NNWOWTQPlDv03Y84zpL5dtOZNum7Q93BlQFcC1P1kbhwKHJ0bYQJ/s200/mad+angry+woman.jpg" width="150" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> In the beginning, Jerry told me that the church he had found had a pastor that he really liked and that this pastor really wanted to talk to me about what had happened. I don't know how that pastor got me to agree to it, but he began coming out to our home once a week to talk with me. When he came, we would sit at our kitchen table, his bible open on the table between us and he would just listen while I vented my anger at God, pastors, church and Christianity. He didn't judge me, correct me or interject at all. He would patiently listen and simply wait until I asked a question (which was rare because I certainly thought I had all the answers at that point) and then he would turn to his bible and find scripture that related to my question. Each time, I would blow off his answer because I did not consider the bible any kind of authority in my life anymore. I don't remember how long he came to visit me, but I know I gave that poor man a very hard time (smile) and at some point, I just asked him to stop coming, and he did. Not long after, he was reassigned to a new church up north and we never saw him again. <b>(a couple of weeks ago, I was able to locate this pastor and called him to tell him of what had happened with me and how much I appreciated what he had done for me).</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitYRYCiq7IKcS6C69qcn3Sv6yfHykVM0ZnAtIvQPr3vuSYDfCK25zhfjOG_QGd8UUuODx-mkTTskvpfmDUPsdPQbmibTPf4fmYenfIthAFoc3qo5PQRoA3ahSj_oS7mwMTIynrRgifgulS/s1600/old+bible+72dpi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="118" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitYRYCiq7IKcS6C69qcn3Sv6yfHykVM0ZnAtIvQPr3vuSYDfCK25zhfjOG_QGd8UUuODx-mkTTskvpfmDUPsdPQbmibTPf4fmYenfIthAFoc3qo5PQRoA3ahSj_oS7mwMTIynrRgifgulS/s200/old+bible+72dpi.jpg" width="200" /></a> But something stood out to me that I admitted to no one but Jerry. In ALL of the time I had met with that other horrible pastor, I realized that not ONCE was his bible ever present. I came to understand that it was not God or Christianity that had betrayed me. It was one man who did. However, my heart was so hard by this point that it was not enough to get me to re-engage with Christianity or the church.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> So while Jerry and the girls continued to attend church, I decided that I would find God in my OWN way. I began delving into other religions, eastern thought, native american spirituality, and anything else I could find. One day, I was in a bookstore and ran across a book called "Conversations with God." The author claimed to have a divine connection directly with God who began to have a conversation with him. One of the things he wrote was that God said "there is no eternal hell. Only the one that people make for themselves through their own minds." I read that and shouted a grand Hallelujah and felt my heart open wide. No hell? I knew it!!! Daggone those church ladies and their fear tactics!!! Daggone Christianity and their fear based teachings and archaic thinking! Now I was ready to discover the "real God within" and my "itching ears" were ready to listen to everything and anything that told me who/what that was.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">:::::::Continued:::::::</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://awalkintheheart.blogspot.com/2010/12/unceasing-call-of-love-part-iv.html">The unceasing call of Love - Part 4</a> </span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-5255967189983916162010-12-16T11:00:00.017-06:002012-02-02T17:59:00.088-06:00The unceasing call of Love - Part II<span style="font-size: large;">Although I was walking through a lot of darkness at this time, I had also begun going to church/youth group. I had a friend in high school who invited me to their church. I attended the youth group there for awhile as well as the Sunday services. Just before I turned 18, I was asked by the youth pastor if I wanted to accept Jesus into my heart as my savior. I said I thought I had probably already done that as a child. I was told I could pray it again as a "rededication" to Him, so I did. I was welcomed in as a "new baby Christian" and given books to read and scripture to study. In college, the next fall, I joined Campus Crusade for Christ to continue my walk with Jesus and was with this group for almost 2 years. However, my "Christian life" and my "real life" rarely intertwined. I did not feel any "inner conviction" about my choice other than I really did want to live a good life according to God's Will and, if possible, avoid going to hell. But I had NO clue how to live that in any practical way. So I went to bible study and church but the rest of the time, I spent in what I felt was the "secret darkness" of who I really was inside. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieam_fuJtRHUAye4QZtfGvfswxmVIMxVopMMKQ3twq2deEzzLxWh9msaS0spLxI55ha10kJibYlPVwIbFBmBEw8kg2TTr3sSwFmMbk-gNTyKvxtvW0IM9Wct7VqqyOEZH39i7eWiGEPbiI/s1600/girl-pushing-boy_%257Ebn274061.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieam_fuJtRHUAye4QZtfGvfswxmVIMxVopMMKQ3twq2deEzzLxWh9msaS0spLxI55ha10kJibYlPVwIbFBmBEw8kg2TTr3sSwFmMbk-gNTyKvxtvW0IM9Wct7VqqyOEZH39i7eWiGEPbiI/s200/girl-pushing-boy_%257Ebn274061.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">Then in the spring of my junior year in college, I met Jerry. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, but he sure wanted me to be his girlfriend! I went on the token "first date" and then promptly avoided his calls/attempts to contact me. But he was one persistent little bugger and he eventually got me to agree to go on another date. We ended up dating for 2 1/2 years before he asked me to marry him. During this time, I was still battling with depression and the darkness I now felt was a permanent part of who I was. I had no idea how Jerry could love me or why he would want to marry me. He knew the struggles I was going through but he stayed anyway. So in Oct. 1991 we were married. We were married in a lutheran church that we had begun attending just after we were engaged. Jerry had been a Christian since he was a teenager but he had not been attending a church for some time. Our engagement prompted us both to begin going again on a regular basis.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">During this same time, we were fighting for custody of his 2 boys and ended up going to court the week after our honeymoon. We were able to get custody of his oldest son (10) but his mother made one condition that we find a Nazarene Church for him to attend. So we left the lutheran church we had been at and found a Nazarene one. I then became pregnant with our first daughter, Sarah who was born in May 1993. By this time, we were regular members of the Nazarene church and we really loved it. We made many friends and became very involved in the functions of the church. Jerry became a member of the church board and our daughter was baptized there. Jerry and I even took it upon ourself to paint the entire nursery room walls with floor to ceiling murals of biblical scenes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">However, this last one of Noah was never completed by us. And there was a reason for that.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpXdgHE16uVr73kqog-QzLVezvYWu_W_pTyuAicOyDhB0lZpFuH-G5u5TbSK4dkajJZ6E9YXDXUU8xBY3SfbqRwMcyGM7Br8LGb5PLDnbiRrVRneq4OidmrgGNx_aZrJGEpuwBKewCKJHz/s1600/DSC04434.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpXdgHE16uVr73kqog-QzLVezvYWu_W_pTyuAicOyDhB0lZpFuH-G5u5TbSK4dkajJZ6E9YXDXUU8xBY3SfbqRwMcyGM7Br8LGb5PLDnbiRrVRneq4OidmrgGNx_aZrJGEpuwBKewCKJHz/s400/DSC04434.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For the first 2 years after my daughter Sarah was born, the dam I had built up to hold back all the pain from my childhood had begun to leak. I spent some time in and out of the hospital for depression and began seeing a counselor. I even started taking anti-depression medication which in retrospect I KNOW made things MUCH worse than they needed to be. But that's a whole nother topic. :) It was becoming increasingly difficult to function in my daily life. The one thing I did manage to be consistent with was being a mother to Sarah. When she was around, somehow, all of the inner turmoil went to the background and I could focus on her. But by the fall of 1995, even this was becoming hard to do.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMYR-joaZ5u_Vte04cJgvHZnVzgTMHwOfCTsBuKuJL-GAPcLOAlKVRK_qdYHrKAfszo9j32UA5tgNGMGP79vyR2uUoz6KGdib6Q6dhT9Tb3ZeXcJ2CM__KuxIexn8pCKULRihb7vC1_snu/s1600/desperate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMYR-joaZ5u_Vte04cJgvHZnVzgTMHwOfCTsBuKuJL-GAPcLOAlKVRK_qdYHrKAfszo9j32UA5tgNGMGP79vyR2uUoz6KGdib6Q6dhT9Tb3ZeXcJ2CM__KuxIexn8pCKULRihb7vC1_snu/s200/desperate.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Then, just before Christmas 1995, I was at home alone one evening and out of sheer desperation, I got on my knees on my living room floor and cried out to God like I never had before. I screamed and cried and pleaded with Him. I told Him, "I cannot FEEL you! I know you are there but trust and faith are just NOT enough for me right now...please please PLEASE send me something tangible that I can know is you so that I can reconnect with you in a real way. I NEED you so much and I cannot do this alone." I cried and prayed this for a couple hours until I dropped exhausted into bed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The next day, I went to the church to work on the mural. While I was there, the pastor came up to me and asked me to come into his office to talk. He explained that the evening before, he had heard from God in a way that, in his words: "I can count on my hands how many times I've ever heard Him so clearly before." He said that God asked him to connect with me and help me. He asked me if I knew what that meant. I cried and told him yes, I knew exactly what he meant and I told him about my prayers from the previous evening.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Since it was almost Christmas, the pastor suggested that we set up some time to talk each week beginning after the New Year. However, we were not able to begin those sessions as planned as I ended up in the hospital again the day after New Years. This time, it would not be a short stay as the doctors felt that I needed longer term care and more intense therapy to deal with the issues I was having. They had me committed to a long term facility which I stayed at for 5 months. During this entire time, the pastor came to visit me, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week. We would talk for several hours. Sometimes I was able to get a pass and he would take me out to eat or just to drive to a park where I could get some fresh air. I was so incredibly grateful for his support, as was my husband since he was now having to be a full time "single" dad for Sarah. He would also pick me up and bring me home for my occasional weekend passes when Jerry could not come to get me. (facility was over an hour from my home). We talked about everything and he listened and listened and let me just ramble. He also shared things from his own life that had happened to him, which, he explained was why he could relate to my pain. I couldn't believe God had answered my prayer so completely! I told the pastor about my struggles with God and even about the special time out on the hill when I was 6 1/2 years old. To keep my spirits up, pastor told me that when I was discharged, we would find a place that resembled the hill from this memory and we would go there to reconnect with God once again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was FINALLY feeling like life was moving forward again. God had answered my prayer and I was getting stronger and was feeling that darkness within me really start to diminish. And by God's grace, (and a very special husband/father) Sarah was adjusting very well despite my absence. In the late spring of 95, I was discharged and went back home full time. Pastor and I then began our weekly meetings to continue our talks. These weekly meetings quickly turned into 3-4 days a week meetings. We would sit in his office in 2 chairs facing each other by the window and he would just let me talk, about my past, about my pain, and about God. Since I was not working and Sarah was in daycare during the day (until I felt strong enough to care for her consistently on my own again) I had the time to do this. I was also seeing another therapist that I had been assigned to while I was in the hospital. He felt that I was spending too much time visiting with the pastor. Since this therapist was Jewish, I chalked it up to him not "understanding" how God had answered my prayer and had brought us together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I asked the pastor about finding the hill as we had discussed so many times while I was hospitalized and he would keep telling me he was still searching for the perfect spot. It never dawned on me that there was no way for him to know what that would look like. I just trusted that God was guiding him and I had faith that he would find it. By midsummer, he stated he had found it and so we arranged for a time to meet so that we could go there. When I got to the church, he met me outside and asked me to follow him in my car over to a parking lot at a small shopping center down the road.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">He said he wanted me to park my car there because the church ladies were having a big function that day and he didn't want them to wonder why my car was there but I was not inside attending the function. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">I then got in his car which was a convertible that he put the top down on as we drove down a main road south of the church. We drove about 15 miles and then he stopped at a small trucker rest stop and suggested we have breakfast first.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">After finishing breakfast, we got back in the car and drove a ways out into the country. He turned off the main road onto a small gravel road that went into a wooded area. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">Finally we came to a clearing that looked like a small park on the edge of a small lake. The trees were very tall and did not really allow one to look clearly up at the sky, nor was there really any kind of "hill" to speak of.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdcZ5d7ABYaKBuKsmetR6_tUoTASEyyYg5dFy68BeHepDCDychEbV3_x3jd0hOCMYb1vUB3Pc_d5CAXeyFfDABjK3s45Pk7ig3gzl6E80CFWyNhF_UYJ1Nxty72fFHRixc8SimejXnP8J/s1600/Banner101.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">We got out of the car and he went to his trunk to pull out a large blanket for us to sit on. We went over to a grassy area and spread out the blanket and sat down. We talked for a bit and he told me that today would be the day I would experience my reconnection with God. He asked me to lie back, close my eyes and go back to the time when I was 6 1/2 on the hill and begin telling the experience again. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivDmgH7xZIx9H8bYDUhupOxoEvcCNNk9Zys_nEH-FPfH8TozmSh9Tmv0srAj8IjefSpAonvxlpfWG0RqVXGkcpDXFay1c5IVsykDbuqRNn9ZYDyxeGWG9iVB7hOaeb2yFkmpW_gjsPOfq1/s1600/blanketongrass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivDmgH7xZIx9H8bYDUhupOxoEvcCNNk9Zys_nEH-FPfH8TozmSh9Tmv0srAj8IjefSpAonvxlpfWG0RqVXGkcpDXFay1c5IVsykDbuqRNn9ZYDyxeGWG9iVB7hOaeb2yFkmpW_gjsPOfq1/s320/blanketongrass.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So I began to do so and I imagined the sky, the clouds, the wind as it blew my beautiful puff the magic dragon tree, the grass as it tickled my body. I began to feel what that little girl felt so long ago and tears started rolling down my face. I felt like I WAS that little girl again!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then suddenly, I felt a heavy weight on top of my legs and left shoulder. I opened my eyes to find the pastor had rolled over and put his head on my shoulder and draped his legs over mine and one arm draped over my chest and onto my other shoulder. He was lightly sobbing. I asked him what he was doing and he said "I was just so overcome by the beauty of your story I just had to hug you, please continue." I told him I wanted him to please get off of me and I tried to sit up. He resisted at first and then reluctantly moved over and laid on his side propping his head up with his hand. He looked at me and I was SHOCKED to see anger in his eyes. He told me that clearly I was not at all interested in reconnecting with God if I was going to push away the messenger whom God had sent to help me. He said a few other really horrible things (that I will not repeat here) when I tried to tell him that I thought this was all wrong. And then I burst out with "WHAT WOULD YOUR WIFE THINK IF SHE DROVE UP RIGHT NOW AND SAW US!" And then he sat up, looked at me straight in the eyes and said "who do you think she or ANYONE would believe, a pastor, or a mentally ill woman?" That stunned me into silence.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgd9ib2kWY1Sx9PQsPcXBAYHBBgBcQgKl4YoHR_gPmJlOLykGNbRdCZJBTDkObFd2qMiSBf30vRhCBsOJlZ5b-sPH2AklF9-ZdYsZTjX7PXTj6vc6n95DI2krXWqm3E29CqNOTmxiRRUc3/s1600/0_61_hand_over_mouth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgd9ib2kWY1Sx9PQsPcXBAYHBBgBcQgKl4YoHR_gPmJlOLykGNbRdCZJBTDkObFd2qMiSBf30vRhCBsOJlZ5b-sPH2AklF9-ZdYsZTjX7PXTj6vc6n95DI2krXWqm3E29CqNOTmxiRRUc3/s200/0_61_hand_over_mouth.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-size: large;">We sat for a bit and suddenly his mood shifted and he said "look, this didn't go as we had planned today, it probably isn't the right time for you yet, no use in pushing things when you are not ready, why don't we call it a day and we'll wait until you are more prepared to receive God." And we picked up our stuff, got in the car and began to drive out of the park. Just before we did, he stopped at the bathrooms they had in a building at the entrance. He went in, was in there for some time, and when he came back out to the car, he turned to me, put a hand on my cheek, told me he cared about me and then kissed me on the side of my other cheek. We were silent the rest of the way back and he dropped me off at my car and said "I enjoyed spending time with you today, we'll plan a time to do this again soon, ok?"</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieNPxaA9IYbaUUY6pp_naHUWlHPyz40OWDsd0oTp9iIuRQSCf3WS1v2Umwe6mPd9d1NHvVht26MQeiJgCGPU_izR9bt_qzhM2pzwjLVhndybmWXd8INnvLPBQmyfuNBhgM9f7fUBGTErEo/s1600/are_you_serious.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieNPxaA9IYbaUUY6pp_naHUWlHPyz40OWDsd0oTp9iIuRQSCf3WS1v2Umwe6mPd9d1NHvVht26MQeiJgCGPU_izR9bt_qzhM2pzwjLVhndybmWXd8INnvLPBQmyfuNBhgM9f7fUBGTErEo/s1600/are_you_serious.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-size: large;">I just nervously smiled and nodded and got in my car and drove home.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">::::continued::::::</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://awalkintheheart.blogspot.com/2010/12/unceasing-call-of-love-part-iii.html">The unceasing call of Love - Part 3</a> </span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-73996450639945688792010-12-13T18:07:00.017-06:002011-01-07T16:04:45.291-06:00The unceasing call of Love - Part I<span style="font-size: large;">All my life, since as far back as I can remember, I have wanted one thing; to love something with all my heart and soul and not have it betrayed, manipulated, used, misunderstood, rejected or flat out ignored. I just wanted to love. And to have someone be pleased with that love with a smile and a hug. To be told I could love them all I wanted and it wouldn’t be too much. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi-Np4H2TbRvOhr9bU6_Un7rR0v_3fpcH_hFf4jlHkstPIBkM1pGDgC_4L88OrIrM0_GHxacqd_D-7lMFrNoO4_mluy6Vkmj5Q743NmDwrVBZw1NX8Al6MyeyBubedsrMaMieWi7Azr4bE/s1600/tree.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi-Np4H2TbRvOhr9bU6_Un7rR0v_3fpcH_hFf4jlHkstPIBkM1pGDgC_4L88OrIrM0_GHxacqd_D-7lMFrNoO4_mluy6Vkmj5Q743NmDwrVBZw1NX8Al6MyeyBubedsrMaMieWi7Azr4bE/s320/tree.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I remember as a little girl, sitting on this hill behind our house, there was a tree that I loved to go sit under and pretend it was alive like a person. I called it my "puff the magic dragon" tree. (no idea why! lol!) I would talk and talk and run around the tree and say “I love you! I love you! I love you!” and hug the tree. I could just love it and love it...and it would stay right there, smiling, and hugging me back and never telling me to stop. I could do this all day long and it would stay right there, always smiling.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb2L99D1btS2pfyJodTOTdaUwSn9gVTquTEoLJNqGEr9Isgjmsk9qLCwTp118R4Vmk7NE0_a3dKiUg5PrfNs3mlDAWTCzeF4jF7y_cySvodCxI9HmWJ4v07R44zdy3tvuUxqsUMUK_G7vc/s1600/400_F_13557896_wHpTS6mApW6VIevo0HslP6NmEEqYZyAM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb2L99D1btS2pfyJodTOTdaUwSn9gVTquTEoLJNqGEr9Isgjmsk9qLCwTp118R4Vmk7NE0_a3dKiUg5PrfNs3mlDAWTCzeF4jF7y_cySvodCxI9HmWJ4v07R44zdy3tvuUxqsUMUK_G7vc/s320/400_F_13557896_wHpTS6mApW6VIevo0HslP6NmEEqYZyAM.jpg" width="228" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">At this same time, I was going to this Southern Baptist Church that would send out a little red bus to pick up all the kids from their houses so they could still go to church even if their parents didn't go. My parents were not church goers so I rode that little bus every week. It was in that church that I was "scared saved." What I mean by that is, the Sunday school teacher(s) used the fear of hell to get us to ask for salvation rather than the Love of God. One of the things they always said was “you do not want to be standing before God someday and have Him judge you. He will show you all the ways you were bad and He will not be pleased, and if you do not get saved, He will then turn you away and send you straight to hell FOREVER.”</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkb1OtWqbT-2jeBQS2WyEtTNVAdUCjYb5KXrb2dxLn7Y5VCGkhzhYyZgkhTsE3ZcJY0GFPj10fkv8BOkwN0ylAm3wfgY6d-OnJ9_Rb2pHGqZjNEvH6pb-zLRk1zSUQOUQQXI8fH6e37LdE/s1600/girlafraid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkb1OtWqbT-2jeBQS2WyEtTNVAdUCjYb5KXrb2dxLn7Y5VCGkhzhYyZgkhTsE3ZcJY0GFPj10fkv8BOkwN0ylAm3wfgY6d-OnJ9_Rb2pHGqZjNEvH6pb-zLRk1zSUQOUQQXI8fH6e37LdE/s200/girlafraid.jpg" width="135" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">I tell you I prayed that prayer to Jesus more times than there are grains of sand on a beach and I still felt I could not possibly be saved. I have always carried that image of God standing with crossed arms, scowling at me in disappointment....and that fear of hell.....I cannot tell you the terror I went through at night as a little girl, alone in my bed, thinking about that, hearing that word “forever....” just echo and echo in my head over and over. It was sheer terror, because, I knew that I was “bad.” Many of the experiences I had had up to that point in life told me I was.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So it never dawned on me to think of Jesus as that "somebody I could love and love and never be turned away." No, my puff the magic dragon tree was far more real and loving than this Jesus that the church was portraying to me.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihs_KtLZq6zep9GBZ_b8Ehpoxl2gYkgaro5QZTJat8dXpgX-qfBMy9O5iYmSvJSQZcjoCwG16ExaWusPoYLGXRoEysj2GA7Ws-L9kp7IEGQuKRIJSYI8EyXSPUcDbcgZdaqwc1Q4maQo0J/s1600/ist2_7092662-little-girl-lying-on-grass-with-surprised-look.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihs_KtLZq6zep9GBZ_b8Ehpoxl2gYkgaro5QZTJat8dXpgX-qfBMy9O5iYmSvJSQZcjoCwG16ExaWusPoYLGXRoEysj2GA7Ws-L9kp7IEGQuKRIJSYI8EyXSPUcDbcgZdaqwc1Q4maQo0J/s200/ist2_7092662-little-girl-lying-on-grass-with-surprised-look.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">One day, when I was 6 1/2, I was lying out on the grass near my tree and watching the clouds go by. I asked the tree if it could change the shapes of the clouds (me and tree had a pretty good rapport by this time....:smile:). I thought of a shape and suddenly the cloud would change to that shape. I thought of another and it changed again. Well, as I child, I was so impressed with this, it filled me with awe. And then I "heard" a voice say (paraphrased) "let Me show you something even more wonderful...." I can't tell you how I "knew" this as a child, but I knew that whatever had made those clouds change, had now come out of the clouds, and had begun to blow the wind....the wind blew the leaves on my beloved tree, and then It moved down the branches of the tree and into the trunk. Then it gently moved the blades of grass near the trunk in a ripple that moved to where I was laying. The blades of grass all around me were moving and tickling me, making me giggle. My little heart was so full of happiness and love. It felt like the blades of grass were hugging me and somehow this Love was going inside of me. It felt very real. Other than what occurred recently, this experience remains one of the most special, beautiful, poignant, joyful things I have ever experienced.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif0wgvEMbjIuNc0ZFHmIFub1Vq0T6ZV8l1bWYaqLmh_27vslLaRIwJ4ppOKP0erpgVvAYpuVXSflB0xmbtAdY3wIcmQZzSbv0-cLV8tKEss1g70Q_z2E4KHZW_0snDU-VP6Kqzshyphenhyphen2z87U/s1600/little-girl-lying-on-grass-thumb10352224.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif0wgvEMbjIuNc0ZFHmIFub1Vq0T6ZV8l1bWYaqLmh_27vslLaRIwJ4ppOKP0erpgVvAYpuVXSflB0xmbtAdY3wIcmQZzSbv0-cLV8tKEss1g70Q_z2E4KHZW_0snDU-VP6Kqzshyphenhyphen2z87U/s320/little-girl-lying-on-grass-thumb10352224.jpg" width="209" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Not long after this, we moved to a new home and I was SO sad to leave my tree behind. We moved to a trailer court that had a small hill out behind it and I tried to find another tree but it just wasn't the same. I also never had another visit like the one with the clouds. So I began searching for that “imaginary friend” in people and things instead.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Throughout the rest of my childhood and into early adulthood, I put people on pedestals and gave my trust to them which would inevitably end in betrayal or manipulation of my desire to love, including from those who were "supposed to" be trustworthy. Over time, I became bitter and my heart started to callous. Interspersed with this unrequited desire to love, I also started demanding that I BE loved. And I had high expectations about what that meant. I expected perfection from people, which of course, is not possible so I was continuously disappointed. I started becoming hypervigilent to any perceived hint that someone was misunderstanding me, ignoring me or using me which would bring on my wrath or put me into deep depressions. It was mostly these depressions that plagued me throughout my teen years and early 20's. I remember when I was 17 I drew a picture of a big brick wall with a small figure of a young lady crumpled up at the bottom of it. The title was : "What hurts is love cries out on the other side of a wall I don't know how to climb." And it was true.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv-VapoV5Jcn7Uuo3e-sD9IZ7ul6j9yKQW6Inv9a0A_eEeuUbfFTJ1Nx_7qoOjCkG8Spa68FTW6LtLozEAJocGmi6pzIFh4D3EWSGnZLLIdMgtCsEBE-FgLpoDj7eg2BVLyu_ZZF43HsPs/s1600/brick-wall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv-VapoV5Jcn7Uuo3e-sD9IZ7ul6j9yKQW6Inv9a0A_eEeuUbfFTJ1Nx_7qoOjCkG8Spa68FTW6LtLozEAJocGmi6pzIFh4D3EWSGnZLLIdMgtCsEBE-FgLpoDj7eg2BVLyu_ZZF43HsPs/s320/brick-wall.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSZuOCGdtTs7V3x3ST8XlgmYxgabKbD7ANoGpq4Jw5D3dMwHZg2cihSJhv1S9bRZRihKqook6VVFeZIcMsDCbSspGT44CB3AK8Vhyphenhyphen8uDKbligno_A3q7bvYV9HiBZLrOKqUCQnSfe6FNbO/s1600/brick-wall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxPuTbetflti8IIMMlYo7o3FezC2ghY6JXvUS2VYuBl2XaZrpmke25ZItmF8epi2d9BmSMXgFj9-CNiZ9kJuzshPDafN4zybqsovcFGvksT3OOCN9QPDXh31Za7g0XoqarK_NxNoC9s2oD/s1600/Pink-Floyd-The-Wall-25th-Anniversary-Deluxe-Edition-B0006ZE7G2-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxPuTbetflti8IIMMlYo7o3FezC2ghY6JXvUS2VYuBl2XaZrpmke25ZItmF8epi2d9BmSMXgFj9-CNiZ9kJuzshPDafN4zybqsovcFGvksT3OOCN9QPDXh31Za7g0XoqarK_NxNoC9s2oD/s320/Pink-Floyd-The-Wall-25th-Anniversary-Deluxe-Edition-B0006ZE7G2-L.jpg" width="236" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">By the time I entered college though, I no longer believed I would find this Love that had eluded me all my life. And I no longer cared. My world became very dark. My favorite movie was Pink Floyd-The Wall. I would sit for hours watching it or listening to Pink Floyd's music and sink into the darkness that I believed was my soul. That wall now became my protection...keeping out the "cold cruel world" and allowing me to remain "Comfortably Numb" (one of Pink Floyd's signature songs). I entertained thoughts of suicide constantly and actually made a couple of attempts. I was convinced that there was just too much bad in me for anyone to love, let alone for me to love anyone else. Like those church ladies had said so many times, I believed would have to stand before God one day while He judged me for my badness and then send me to hell forever, and ever and ever........</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">:::continued:::::</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://awalkintheheart.blogspot.com/2010/12/unceasing-call-of-love-part-ii.html">The unceasing call of Love - Part 2</a></span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-71053508800391439352010-12-10T11:51:00.002-06:002011-04-16T22:52:55.932-05:00A short intermission<span style="font-size: large;">I wanted to post a short update to say that it will be a couple of days before I resume my postings. Life in the physical has taken my focus for the moment with several things that need attending to including getting my 17 year old daughter a new car. In one week she has put her current car in the ditch twice (lovely icy winter roads in an old car with rear wheel drive) and last night to the point that she probably totaled it. (Car acted as a "plow" as it pushed sideways through a huge snow drift and put it out of alignment to the point where it's not worth sticking any more money in it). She is ok, thank God, but it is clear she was watched over yet again while driving that car (there was another incident in the past, not accident related, that had us (her father and I) shaking our heads in awe that she was kept safe). We no longer want to test her guardian angels so we will be focusing on getting her a new car. :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In addition, this weekend is when we will be putting our tree up, decorating and baking. It also appears we are going to get walloped with another snow storm as well so it just feels like a good time to hunker down and cozy together as a family (which includes my sweetie Jerry, my 2 daughters Sarah (17) and Emily who will be 12 next week and my two "sons" (yorkshire terrier's) Koko and Scooter.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWhyfleQHuJo1aNEGCh5k5B1iK93xI9kHMbJml6ISsL_3wwLdYVOdPTfRZaVuN_JPmn2GFKrMm_fOCXwDXBN1t3QWfQ2tL41-FZoVp6ha3mmTNRTVB9kWmSB5ZR1pAfnPJSyJ6blYOnvbH/s1600/cozy-winter-cabin_4072.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWhyfleQHuJo1aNEGCh5k5B1iK93xI9kHMbJml6ISsL_3wwLdYVOdPTfRZaVuN_JPmn2GFKrMm_fOCXwDXBN1t3QWfQ2tL41-FZoVp6ha3mmTNRTVB9kWmSB5ZR1pAfnPJSyJ6blYOnvbH/s320/cozy-winter-cabin_4072.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I wish you all a warm, safe and relaxing weekend. I hope to resume postings on Monday.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Hugs and blessings,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Jodie</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-87336765324246082902010-12-08T21:59:00.010-06:002012-02-02T17:43:28.499-06:00Thy Will vs my will<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDilDOMZHodzoNXN1Cs4MV6hwGoSWTt1BwnJ4-aPgUFAA2bHQNxZVr9XdqdpFgFdpfXqG6HyM8JhckIQB8aPGB45C28gL8wVmaLaeMjd2BJnPmnocgv8vh3oA_c9m5VYtycxM5ifqAhDzf/s1600/pushpull.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="123" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDilDOMZHodzoNXN1Cs4MV6hwGoSWTt1BwnJ4-aPgUFAA2bHQNxZVr9XdqdpFgFdpfXqG6HyM8JhckIQB8aPGB45C28gL8wVmaLaeMjd2BJnPmnocgv8vh3oA_c9m5VYtycxM5ifqAhDzf/s200/pushpull.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For many years, I played a game of Push/Pull with God. He gently pulled/called me towards Him and said "Let me help you, let me show you the Way." And like a defiant child, I pushed back and said "NO! I can do it myself!"</span><br />
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<b>O O</b><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Myself. My self. Or as I came to call it my Higher Self. I made my own God inside and called it my Higher Self. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And this god told me many things including the fact that I was EQUAL with it, that I needed NOTHING outside of my Self and that I already knew everything, I just forgot that I knew (I was a master in human disguise). I was in total control of my own path (creating my own reality), totally responsible for writing my own rules (my own truth) for my life and was totally competent (sovereign)to realize/manifest my own purpose (produce my own fruit). </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">4 weeks ago, I was feeling quite fine with this. The only thing that was "niggling" at me was an increasing internal dissatisfaction with not feeling more of a connection with "my divinity." So I would spend time alone, asking for my divinity to come in closer, to make it's presence more known to me. I did "everything in my power" to try and make this happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Then I had that first spark thought that maybe by surrendering that power to "my divinity," it would come in closer. Well, it sure came in closer all right (understatement!) but it most certainly wasn't what I thought it would be and NOBODY was MORE surprised than I. I was NOT expecting to find Jesus in the middle of it all. And I most certainly didn't expect to have a cascade of biblical Truth poured into me! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Those who know me know that prior to this, any discussion about Jesus/Christianity/the bible was absolutely NOT up for discussion. Period. You could talk to me about ANY other perspective on spirituality, but NOT that. I thought that anyone who believed in Jesus as a savior was weak, that they were too scared to face themselves and to take responsibility for their own life. That they were copping out of life and letting "some outdated and incomplete book" tell them how to live it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I am sure many of my friends have asked themselves "what could have POSSIBLY happened to her to make her now choose Christianity?!?!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If I were truly creating my own reality and writing my own truth for my life, believe me, this would have been the very LAST thing I would have chosen. See, that's the thing. I didn't "choose it." It chose ME. I simply surrendered what I THOUGHT was my "own power" (my will) to what I THOUGHT was "my divinity" (God). And what came pouring in convicted me of a Truth I would have never chosen on my own. It CHANGED me. It literally rewrote me. I don't mean this symbolically. I mean it literally. Like a brand new operating system in a computer, my very cells have been reformatted. This was FAR more than just a "changing of belief systems" and what did it was definitely FAR greater than any "higher me" I could ever conjure up. And the amazing thing is, although the intensity of the experience has waned, the conviction has NOT. It is STILL True and will always be because it is written on my soul.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What I find utterly ironic is that I am now "one of those" that I so often dismissed before. The one's who told me I was a naive fool to believe in "those new age concepts" but who also had no idea what they were talking about because they had never studied it. I feel I'm in a bit of a different position though because I've actually been "there" and done "that" and I DO know what new age is all about. The funny thing is, so much of it has truth in it....but 99% truth is not Truth. The 1% that makes ALL the difference is that new age is all about doing things on one's own power, in one's own will. That somehow we, ourselves, know what is best for ourselves and for the world.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">After having this experience, this idea now feels utterly arrogant and embarrassing. Believing that I know what's best for the world or how to "ascend myself" is like looking at a blade of grass and thinking I understand the mind of God:</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizvFtFF4jAqLfAhAIVbehojk87Scw28BpX5calXgZTou7RcUvKG3ybYSRXne1jDYSVKUlzPe0SMPGUeD8wv91Mwkf05euJnXlgfM0xJROjy8Q_g-xv2_4DDLzVr2LqpAC3KK6r8f3aHmba/s1600/bladeofgrass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizvFtFF4jAqLfAhAIVbehojk87Scw28BpX5calXgZTou7RcUvKG3ybYSRXne1jDYSVKUlzPe0SMPGUeD8wv91Mwkf05euJnXlgfM0xJROjy8Q_g-xv2_4DDLzVr2LqpAC3KK6r8f3aHmba/s320/bladeofgrass.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When all around me is a vast, neverending forest that goes on into infinity:</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcJGbMK5eEUVI32t9ML6Tax7VThyphenhyphenq7AXWTEg2dFWBVOHIJ_Ob-m1pD1Obb594qR59j3a0K8JAmL74RPtESvoW_iJproWumg1Bn-6cH4uDIoV9tHBlxaPaDyuUmeSbs0dPS_1MkY3xHV8mk/s1600/vastforest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcJGbMK5eEUVI32t9ML6Tax7VThyphenhyphenq7AXWTEg2dFWBVOHIJ_Ob-m1pD1Obb594qR59j3a0K8JAmL74RPtESvoW_iJproWumg1Bn-6cH4uDIoV9tHBlxaPaDyuUmeSbs0dPS_1MkY3xHV8mk/s320/vastforest.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">No. There is no comparison. God's will definitely trumps my own.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I now know that it is our nature to rebel against God's will. And the results of that rebellion is that I was separated from God. And even if I wanted to, I could not <b>consistently</b> submit to God's will no matter how much I try. This is why Jesus is so important. He came to Earth and lived a perfect life under God's will (the ONLY one to do so). NOT because He was showing us how to do it ourselves (as I used to believe) but because God KNEW we could not do it ourself, therefore Jesus came, as a gift from God, to pay the price for this rebellion. And accepting this gift is what brings us back into union with God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My next post(s) will go into some history of how I got from "there" to "here" including what God is working on in me currently (ouch) and how I am getting to know Jesus in ways I never imagined as He walks through it with me.</span>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-33977678888146615762010-12-07T17:35:00.002-06:002011-04-15T08:26:54.085-05:00Intimacy - Into Me See<span style="font-size: large;">Although there is a whole lot going on, I don't have the words to express. I'm in a very humbled and quiet place today. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Jesus and I are having a very focused/intense talk/revisiting (there's a reason they call Him "Wonderful Counselor") of some things that, in part, originally caused me to leave Christianity in the first place. As the story of Jonah so clearly shows, you can run, but you cannot hide. :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Instead of talking about it right now, I'm just going to post some pictures that express how it feels to have Him with me, so present and so loving while I finally face this issue.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidFBd0eL5DVSpVzCJAyiOkfaUoFuFaEgyE7bOCfb5F-6nzzfyMnMzhS1uz4_OaY37MDzgeGLIYyyyaJa6BkpioeKYaqOoxghvAArGaZjjZ1kqbTryjGMcnH3pP1dzOJC98I1HEbtr5WPZl/s1600/JesusGirlSun50.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidFBd0eL5DVSpVzCJAyiOkfaUoFuFaEgyE7bOCfb5F-6nzzfyMnMzhS1uz4_OaY37MDzgeGLIYyyyaJa6BkpioeKYaqOoxghvAArGaZjjZ1kqbTryjGMcnH3pP1dzOJC98I1HEbtr5WPZl/s1600/JesusGirlSun50.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitXHqxQONRfymlOFV5guo6l2XME3uOwfaTyv1zSUZKbK1ko6DKpL8LowLfWMTLrf66MdVIxKXUmdwWB0lYbIDeZzF9-sY4FMYYGQmnhpp9YO6Vb5LIy3msjyIqxXPPGn6rsNMapgxdBC5Y/s1600/jesus-girl_k7q2kpuu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitXHqxQONRfymlOFV5guo6l2XME3uOwfaTyv1zSUZKbK1ko6DKpL8LowLfWMTLrf66MdVIxKXUmdwWB0lYbIDeZzF9-sY4FMYYGQmnhpp9YO6Vb5LIy3msjyIqxXPPGn6rsNMapgxdBC5Y/s1600/jesus-girl_k7q2kpuu.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdQzu-ePmvij64WqU4winHGXOSTSXKUILQPSfS9rI0c8TSzXuafml079Ybq7IAyCRtOqbJ0CiDIhzAiMPyUdhWShN4KvVBd_ZFBQVUk-KpQ2gPy-Xml6YL6nGFxWiji1u6LeHTv2LgDHGX/s1600/jesus-holding-girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdQzu-ePmvij64WqU4winHGXOSTSXKUILQPSfS9rI0c8TSzXuafml079Ybq7IAyCRtOqbJ0CiDIhzAiMPyUdhWShN4KvVBd_ZFBQVUk-KpQ2gPy-Xml6YL6nGFxWiji1u6LeHTv2LgDHGX/s320/jesus-holding-girl.jpg" width="250" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji3trQTxKUbEIURiZt3Yav8-wO1pDCO2V4GLXNcI32r6wekvd-7XXEUpBlo-9xoLsa9Ay9B08vXkusklEjmd64C_ZI_h-aFL_Q5PaRo7-IjUeCYcFeWIurBSaLmOsr93J2fYE_6UMq2Ata/s1600/jesus-hugging-girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji3trQTxKUbEIURiZt3Yav8-wO1pDCO2V4GLXNcI32r6wekvd-7XXEUpBlo-9xoLsa9Ay9B08vXkusklEjmd64C_ZI_h-aFL_Q5PaRo7-IjUeCYcFeWIurBSaLmOsr93J2fYE_6UMq2Ata/s320/jesus-hugging-girl.jpg" width="232" /></a></div>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3042691222505192123.post-35292588173047189522010-12-06T15:10:00.005-06:002011-04-11T08:46:12.316-05:00Belief in God - It's Personal<span style="font-size: large;">I had originally intended to post today about my journey from "there" to "here." However, apparently that is for another time because I am being led in another direction for today's post. I am posting some youtube video's of a guy named Andy Stanley. He is the son of a well known preacher named Charles Stanley. Even during my most "christian-hating" days, although I didn't agree at all with what Charles spoke about, his integrity did speak to me. His son, I heard for the first time this past Sunday on <a href="http://www.intouch.org/">Charles Stanley's In Touch</a> broadcast (he was filling in for his father). I really like him because he "speaks in plain language" and uses humor and current life scenarios/lingo without compromising the message.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I will say ahead of time that for some, it may take a bit of a commitment to stick through them. Although he speaks in every day terms that is easy to understand, he does use scripture to make his points, but he does so effectively. I post them here now because I REALLY WISH I would have had these video's to watch for myself prior to 4 weeks ago. Even where I was at then, I would have been able to "hear" this message. It explains why, prior to now, there always seemed to be an internal tug of war going on in me. No matter how sure I was that I knew God, whenever I ran into something "Christian related", I would get defensive and resistant inside and the "rock solid foundation" of my beliefs would falter or tremble and I'd go into overtime to shore them back up again. But that all changed when God became Personal to me and I realized I wasn't struggling with "with myself" or "my beliefs" but rather with God Himself. That's what Andy talks about in these videos. I really hope you give yourself the time to listen to them in their entirety.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">With Love,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Jodie</span><br />
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<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/GWa72Z_VxqY?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/GWa72Z_VxqY?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Jodiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00843120005387622995noreply@blogger.com0