Saturday, December 4, 2010

What's happening to me? - The mother of all "downloads" - Part I

In the new age circles I used to run in, we often talked about getting a "download."  This generally referred to energies that were coming in to assist with ascending, or were helping to upgrade DNA or clear blockages in the chakra's.  A download was also referred to when listening to a channeled being/entity as in "energy packets" of information that were "downloaded" in between the words that the channeled being spoke.  They were meant to change one in some profoundly fundamental way, to improve or clear things that were impeding a connection with one's divinity.
For me, these downloads felt intense and seemed to provide greater clarity in the moment; but seemed to fade quickly over time. They would temporarily "fill the slots questions once occupied" but in the end, left me with far more questions than answers.  No piece of information/answer ever stayed true in any consistent or life changing way.

Nothing....and oh do I mean NOTHING compares to the “download” I received when I surrendered.  What makes all of this so hard to describe is this wasn’t a linear wasn’t that event A happened, then event B and then C and so on........somehow it happened all at once (in the moment of that "pop") and yet several days went by at the same time.....hmmmm........ I think the best way to say it is, it ALL happened instantaneously in the blink of an eye, the moment I surrendered, however, it UNFOLDED in me over several days or so.   Yea, that’s the best I’m going to be able to do with that.

When the Holy Spirit began to speak to me, it was like a unceasing, powerful, absolutely focused with intent, completely full of conviction kind of prayer.  It felt like I was being prayed INTO.  And it was filling me, and filling me and filling me and filling me with what I can ONLY call Truth.  Pure Absolute Truth.   And it was all sent on this absolutely indescribable stream of Love.  Oh......that Love.  SO REAL!!  SO REAL!!  And as wonderful as all of this was, there was something inside of me that was "skidding on the breaks" a bit...because I did not feel worthy of this Love.  I felt strongly that there was something there was something I had to DO first.  As this Truth was flowing into me, things I had done in the past came up and I felt compelled to ask for forgiveness.  After a few times of this, I just burst out with "I am sooo sorry" over and over.  Then, I heard just "this side" of being audible, as if someone were standing right next to me in the room "You are forgiven."  Never in ALL the time that I was "seeking spiritual experiences" in the new age had I EVER had anything that tangible happen.  It was as clear as day and I didn't even have my hearing aid on!!  (smile). 

And the Love that poured along with those words......oh my.......oh I cannot describe.  Oh how I wish I could!!  I burst into tears and fell on the floor.  Literally!!!  I knew (again, don't ask me to describe that just IS) it was Jesus.

All of a sudden, I was taken back through my life.  I guess you could call it a life review.  I've read about them, but usually it's when someone almost dies like in a near death experience.  I sure didn't feel like I was dying.  And again, this is where linearity trips me up because this all happened instantaneous.....OY such limiting words!!!!

I was first taken back to some of the earliest memories from my childhood.  Then memory after memory of things after that time came up, one after another all throughout my life up till now.  Ones where He showed me where He was walking with me when I didn't even know it!  It was like one AHA after another.  I laughed so much at the obviousness of it!

Other memories came up too, the not so good ones.

I need to emphasize here that although I talk of the Holy Spirit, of God and of Jesus as if they were experiences I had with each of them separately.  They were not.  All 3 were always present, but they were all ONE at the same time.   I guess that's what's referred to as the Trinity.  

As I stood in the Light of God/Jesus with the Truth through the Holy Spirit pouring into me, I knew that anything that was not of that Light  (the onion) could not remain within me if I was to be able to stand before Him.  I know that some say everything ultimately is of the light; of God.  NO.  It is not.  All it took was for me to be in God's Presence for one SECOND for me to absolutely know that.  Trust me when I say that it would have been absolutely inconceivable for me to tell Him, "it's all good."

 And this is why Jesus is so important.  It is HIS PART in this process of the Trinity that is key.

I was shown the times when I acted outside the Will of God and I felt deeply the guilt, shame and pain of those events.  After I relived each one, He simply said (not so much audibly this time...just impressed upon me) "You are forgiven." Over and over, each time, He would repeat this.  It didn't take me long to realize that there WAS no limit to the things that would come up to be forgiven.  It was impossible to name them all (ie no end to the layers of the onion).  So I simply gave it ALL to Him.  Again, here are words I know I've heard so many times...but to understand what it truly words.

I cannot begin to tell you how key this part of the process was.  Choosing to give up that entire onion to Him.  And acknowledging that He already dealt with it for me.  I realized it is the only REAL choice there is to make with free will.  I could either choose to try and deal with that onion on my own, whether it be to peel and peel one layer at a time, or to say it doesn't exist,  or say 'it doesn't matter if there is an onion, God accepts me onion and all' (shudder) or to bury it in the dirt and try to grow fruit (because ultimately that onion is really fruit in disguise, right?), or to integrate the onion within me........


I could choose to let it go completely by acknowledging that Jesus already took care of it.  One choice keeps me separated from God and the other united with Him forever.

Why Jesus?  And why would He do that?  Love.  He came AS God into human form in PERFECTION (the ONLY human to EVER walk this Earth that important) and He most definitely did have all of the powers OF God when He did.   He could have used those powers to save HIMSELF but He did not.  Out of Pure Love, He chose to use them to take on the burden of ALL of the "onions" that had ever existed and ever will exist and clear them completely so that we, too could be with God.   He took it all on within Himself and then died on that cross and took it out of this world for good.  Can you imagine a Love like that?  I can't. 

But it is this Love that I want to spend the rest of my life/eternity getting to know and understand.

Tomorrow, I will post more about my experience with the outpouring of the Holy Spirit.  It is through this outpouring that I became convicted as to the Truth of what I posted above.

1 comment:

  1. I hope you keep writing, Jodie. This is great stuff! It reminds me of the time God spoke to me through the amethyst. He said, "I've known you since you were born. I know everything you've done. And I love you anyway." That was the download, and shortly afterward i went into a state of surrender. It was very powerful and life changing. It was shortly after that that I had that dream about Jesus and me being best friends. Then the surrender prayers began. I am subscribed to this blog.