Sunday, December 5, 2010

What's Happening to me? - The mother of all "downloads" - Part II

In trying to describe my experience of being filled with the Holy Spirit,  I fear I run the risk of "overexplaining" and diluting the experience by trying to parce it down into many words.  Those who know me know how frustrated this makes me.  I love to use lots of words to explain things.   But not today.

Instead, I have found some images, that come somewhat close, yet nowhere near what it was like.  The first image below comes the closest.  I will post short descriptions underneath each.   I also wrote what I call "Jodie's Psalm" while at the height of this experience that I will repost here as well.  I pray that the "space between" will speak to you far more than my words ever could.

 A constant, unceasing, tremendous inpouring/revealing of Truth.  Other than making the choice to surrender, there was nothing I "did" during any of this.  It simply happened.  I was not in control anymore.  I did not even "think."  No.  I definitely did not "think" my way through this.  There was no TIME to think. 

It was as if I was standing in front of a fire hydrant turned on FULL blast (this image totally pales but it was the best I could find).   I drank and drank and drank and drank as if my thirst would never quench.

It was like I had been wandering aimlessly in a desert, drinking from mirage after mirage of unsustaining "truths" that were barely a drop on my tongue before they dissipated and suddenly I found an oasis that was everflowing, constant and solid.

It was like a language that was completely foreign to me, I suddenly became completely fluent in and I understood everything.  Like one of those 3D image's hidden in a design that seems to make no sense, until you shift your vision and suddenly you see the WHOLE picture.  (allow your eyes to go slightly out of focus and allow the image above to "pop out" at you.  Hint:  It's the infinity symbol (smile) )

This illumination is why the bible, which used to make NO sense to me, now makes total sense.  It is not just an "instruction book" for a "good life", or just a collection of stories and parables.  It is more than that.  It is ALIVE.  And I cannot describe this aliveness to you.  The Truth that was pouring into me was ALIVE, it stood out like the image in the picture above.  Truth rings with LIFE and the bible is Truth in written form.  It sustains like food for the soul.

As the Holy Spirit was filling me, it also lit a fire in me.   It took the small spark that was lit by that very first thought I wrote about in my first post and turned it into a roaring bonfire within me.  This fire burned away all that did not belong.  It was like being rewritten.  Replacing old with new.  I was changed from the inside out, upside down, top to bottom and everything in between.  I BECAME a new person.  I am no longer who I was before.

I feel free.  Clean.  New.  RESTORED. 

I wanted to spend every second in constant praise.  And in fact, during much of this, I found myself breaking into spontaneous verbal prayer.  I would be doing the dishes and suddenly verses from the bible would erupt from my mouth, without having any previous knowledge of those verses.  The CONVICTION I felt in hearing them through my own voice brought me to tears of Joy and new understanding.  I would also break into song and just start singing the words that would come forth.   It was uncontrollable and I simply could not contain it!

I was so full of Joy.  I wanted to dance all day long.  Dance and sing and praise.   Trust me when I say Halleleuia is a VERY wonderful word!  :)

I will end this post with the "psalm" I wrote during the height of this.  At this point, I've done my best to describe this past 2-3 weeks of my life.  The fire inside has tamed just a bit but still burns bold and strong and constant.  I know that it will be there within me for the rest of my days.   There is no end to the Joy I feel knowing that God does now truly dwell within me.  We are no longer separate.  He speaks to me through His Word and the Holy Spirit and He Loves me through His Son Jesus Christ.  And in turn, my only desire is to love Him back and to get to know Him more and more.

It is complete.

Jodie's Psalm

The taste of Truth is so sweet, so satisfying, so fulfilling, so delicious I cannot imagine EVER feeding on anything else.   The TRUTH is ALIVE...literally, it is ALIVE and it moves through my soul like the sweetest song I have ever heard or ever will hear.  And it is unceasing, everlasting, vibrant..... ALIVE!!!

The Truth sings to me so gently, lovingly, and assuredly through the Holy Spirit in pure clarity, beyond ALL doubt.  It answers all questions,  calms every fear, every worry, everything.  And He sings to me and says “Today we sing a New Song.  A song of Joy, Love, Praise, TRUTH....... Oh glorious Truth......the balm I have been seeking all my life. 

The conviction of Truth, ABSOLUTE Truth, is the ONLY thing that will EVER fill a seeking and empty heart.

I thought I knew what pure Joy was.   I had no idea.......

I want to write reams and volumes about this pure Love, this pure Truth, this pure Joy.  I want to throw the pages in the air and share it with the world.  I want to sing out loud with arms raised and feet moving.    How could I have been so blind.  It was right there all along.  HE was right there.... ALL along.  There but for the grace of God go I. 

I want for nothing when I abide in this Truth.  It is the All.  It is everything.  It is perfect.  Not one thing is left unanswered.  God left no stone unturned when He created everything.  His work is complete.  Halleluiah! AMEN!

Oh the aliveness of Truth.  That I shall never lose the awe and reverence for that aliveness.

It raises me up to the highest heights without my feet ever leaving the ground.  It is solid, reliable, dependable, infallible.

I see! I see! I hear! I hear!   There will be nothing....not ONE thing that can ever compare to this sight, this hearing.  Not. One. Thing.




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